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Violence and aggression from my young adult son

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Hi my son is 17 and autistic. He has pretty extreme episodes of rage where he can be physically violent to members of the family. He also screams and swears and shouts that he hates us. It has been so extreme that twice the police have been involved. He previously only did this behind closed doors but will now do it out in public. The assaults are becoming more extreme and more regular.

The problem is that we have other vulnerable people in the house. His sister is disabled and has seizures and chronic fatigue. My son will attack his sister and she can't fight back. She's living in fear. We've tried to get support from Social Services, Safeguarding and CAMHS but nothing yet.

When I tried to speak with him about it he said that this is a normal part of autism and we should learn to live with it - many autistic people have anger episodes.

I am sympathetic to his own difficulties, but I feel like I'm being gaslit into accepting domestic violence.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is violence in the home common in autistic families as he suggests?

Parents

  • I have similar troubles with my step son who’s diagnosed autism with PDA traits. He’s only 10 but has shown aggressive behaviour on and off over the years due to his need for control, low tolerance for noise and other distractions. Even losing a game can create this explosive rage where he trashes the room, throws things, attacks people. In the end you have to restrain him because he’s either going to hurt someone else or himself so I really empathise with you here. Sometimes he gets to a point where he’s not listening anymore, logic has left the building, emotions have taken over and you are actively ducking and diving out of the way of missiles. Every case is different but you are not alone, I hope at the very least this is a place you can get it all off your chest a little.

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  • I have similar troubles with my step son who’s diagnosed autism with PDA traits. He’s only 10 but has shown aggressive behaviour on and off over the years due to his need for control, low tolerance for noise and other distractions. Even losing a game can create this explosive rage where he trashes the room, throws things, attacks people. In the end you have to restrain him because he’s either going to hurt someone else or himself so I really empathise with you here. Sometimes he gets to a point where he’s not listening anymore, logic has left the building, emotions have taken over and you are actively ducking and diving out of the way of missiles. Every case is different but you are not alone, I hope at the very least this is a place you can get it all off your chest a little.

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