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Violence and aggression from my young adult son

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Hi my son is 17 and autistic. He has pretty extreme episodes of rage where he can be physically violent to members of the family. He also screams and swears and shouts that he hates us. It has been so extreme that twice the police have been involved. He previously only did this behind closed doors but will now do it out in public. The assaults are becoming more extreme and more regular.

The problem is that we have other vulnerable people in the house. His sister is disabled and has seizures and chronic fatigue. My son will attack his sister and she can't fight back. She's living in fear. We've tried to get support from Social Services, Safeguarding and CAMHS but nothing yet.

When I tried to speak with him about it he said that this is a normal part of autism and we should learn to live with it - many autistic people have anger episodes.

I am sympathetic to his own difficulties, but I feel like I'm being gaslit into accepting domestic violence.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is violence in the home common in autistic families as he suggests?

Parents

  • What is his level of understanding like?

    Autistic people can be violent as can any other human. For some this is completely unintentional and when in that mode of crisis just do not know what they're doing or have control over their behaviour. Usually by the age your son is, this tends to sway  towards individuals with very high support needs and probably limited understanding over their triggers and behaviours.

    It is certainly not true to say that violence is a part of being autistic. Most of us are not violent. The fact that he can justify his actions with these words suggests to me he does understand his behaviour. 

    Now I'm not taking away from his difficulties and triggers but most of us can learn to manage our triggers in a way that would not end in violence. Such as retreating to a safe space. If he has the understanding then I feel that it is important, whilst acknowledging what is difficult for him, that his violence isn't just accepted but he is encouraged to learn better coping strategies.

Reply

  • What is his level of understanding like?

    Autistic people can be violent as can any other human. For some this is completely unintentional and when in that mode of crisis just do not know what they're doing or have control over their behaviour. Usually by the age your son is, this tends to sway  towards individuals with very high support needs and probably limited understanding over their triggers and behaviours.

    It is certainly not true to say that violence is a part of being autistic. Most of us are not violent. The fact that he can justify his actions with these words suggests to me he does understand his behaviour. 

    Now I'm not taking away from his difficulties and triggers but most of us can learn to manage our triggers in a way that would not end in violence. Such as retreating to a safe space. If he has the understanding then I feel that it is important, whilst acknowledging what is difficult for him, that his violence isn't just accepted but he is encouraged to learn better coping strategies.

Children
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