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New to this *4 year old*

Yellow88

Hi all my son has been diagnosed with Autism and ADHD (may this year) and it feels surreal the ADHD was expected on the back of that the doctor said you’d benefit from Autism testing and it’s been illuminating and truth be told I don’t know why I never thought autism prior to testing. Mum guilt is real I go back over how I’ve parented and the times I’ve said things like look at me when I’m speaking and just feel guilt. My son starts school September and I have fear and anxiety about the change that’s to come he’s the most fun filled happiest kid and I guess it’s just a whirl of concern of how do I support him how he needs? knowing what I know now what about my parenting style do I need to change (if anything) ? I’ve not told him he’s autistic should I? My sons going to mainstream school we’ve not got an echp but they seem very sen friendly and we’ve met the sen school person they have all his paperwork I guess I just don’t know what I should be doing right now? 

Parents

  • Hello there Yellow88.

    My daughter and I both have Autism and ADHD. I was diagnosed at 30 yo, my daughter around 4 yo. We’re from the USA, so my advice might not apply perfectly well, but a few things:

    1. I can definitely understand your concerns regarding moving from nursery to school. That’s a huge change. Personally, I would see if he adjusts well the first several months, then if things don’t go well, consider whether or not he may need to go to a special education classroom. My daughter adjusted okay to preschool and kindergarten, but the shift to 1st grade was not great. We ended up finding her a social/emotional focused classroom with less students and that fit her needs much better.

    2. Telling him that he is Autistic/ADHD is a very personal thing and there’s no right or wrong answer. In our case, we told her around age six, but it was a long process. We told her I have Autism first, then introduced her to Autistic people and characters over time. For example, Thomas and Friends All Engines Go has an Autistic character. After a while she kind of came to the conclusion herself that she might be Autistic, too, so then we confirmed that. She took it very well. There’s no pressing need for your son to know now, but eventually someday he’ll need to know. It’s up to you to decide when you’re most comfortable telling him.

    3. In regards to your parenting style: Just keep being his biggest advocate. There’s some small things that might help such as giving him visual aides for potty time rituals, keeping him on a stricter routine overall, etc., but it sounds like you are very patient and caring with him already.

    Hopefully that helps some. I wish you and your family the best!

Reply

  • Hello there Yellow88.

    My daughter and I both have Autism and ADHD. I was diagnosed at 30 yo, my daughter around 4 yo. We’re from the USA, so my advice might not apply perfectly well, but a few things:

    1. I can definitely understand your concerns regarding moving from nursery to school. That’s a huge change. Personally, I would see if he adjusts well the first several months, then if things don’t go well, consider whether or not he may need to go to a special education classroom. My daughter adjusted okay to preschool and kindergarten, but the shift to 1st grade was not great. We ended up finding her a social/emotional focused classroom with less students and that fit her needs much better.

    2. Telling him that he is Autistic/ADHD is a very personal thing and there’s no right or wrong answer. In our case, we told her around age six, but it was a long process. We told her I have Autism first, then introduced her to Autistic people and characters over time. For example, Thomas and Friends All Engines Go has an Autistic character. After a while she kind of came to the conclusion herself that she might be Autistic, too, so then we confirmed that. She took it very well. There’s no pressing need for your son to know now, but eventually someday he’ll need to know. It’s up to you to decide when you’re most comfortable telling him.

    3. In regards to your parenting style: Just keep being his biggest advocate. There’s some small things that might help such as giving him visual aides for potty time rituals, keeping him on a stricter routine overall, etc., but it sounds like you are very patient and caring with him already.

    Hopefully that helps some. I wish you and your family the best!

Children
  • in reply to profdanger

    Thank you so much it’s given me a lot of food for thought in terms of school I guess it’s a case of see how we get on and know there is alternative support if required. you choosing to wait until your child was 6 makes perfect sense I think that’s been playing on my mind as obviously discussed what’s going on with close family and friends and I am aware he is a sponge so I have been conscious of the conversations I’ve had around him and right now it feels like a big thing to explain to him he’s happy and I don’t want it to become a thing that has any negative or confusion attached like I don’t want to confuse him when he isn’t at the age where he can fully understand so I certainly think the conversation will come when he’s at a more communicate and understanding age. I’m quickly llearning routine is key visual aids are a great idea!!  Really appreciate your comment and advise thank you for your time and sharing it really helps