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My Father left me on my birthday and I found out he had an affair against my mother. I am Autistic and cannot handle this

JackRHOSullivan

Hi,

My name is Jack (removed by mod) and I have serious Aspergers and mild Tourettes and OCD. 

On my 18th Birthday last year 22/12/2013, my Father and Mother had an arguement after I told my Mother some of the cruel things he said to me about her. When my best friend and I left to meet my Sister, my parents argued and Father left. I felt guilty due to him leaving after I told my Mother all the cruel things he said. 

But on Christmas Day we got a call from Father's best friend called (removed by mod) who told us that Father had been having an affair against my Mother for three months and was living with a woman he met those three months ago in (removed by mod). I was full of rage and anger and wanted answers. In anger I had been avoiding contact with my Father only to find that he has contacted me multiple days of multiple weeks. He has had three girlfriends since he ran off and I know this by looking at his Facebook. He emailed me a photo of him and his new girlfriend and this really angered me. I want serious answers but I know he will not give it to me and I cannot ask him because even trying to find out why he cheated on my Mother would result in betraying my Mother. Everyone else says I should talk to him but I know that he will lie to me if I ask him. He is a lier and a cheat. He only talks about himself and never understood my Tourettes and servere Aspergers. 

What can I do to get through this stressful time?

Thanks. 

Jack.

Parents

  • I know it is hard for everyone to "move on".  I said to my son's that putting all their energy into finding answers from their dad is understandable but, if he is is unwilling or unable to give them the peace they need, what then?  My son's have ASC and although they didn't have many friends at the time, they were able to vent AT me, teachers, etcwho gave them a voice.

    As you say going through every permutation may happen, however how do you know that you have explored every permutation?  this was my point.  Without his father explaining why he did what he did, then this young man may never find an answer, and even if he finds the truth, without his father acknowledging it, then how will he know he's right. Sort of going round in circles.

    My son's don't have closure and as a, result have no real connection with  their dad.  They are polite but distant, never letting him into their inner world because he did not let them into his.  Yet to this day he still doesn't see how the  two are connected and is totally baffled by their distant behaviour.  

    Even if this young man gets the truth he seeks, it is likely that something else will happen that hurts him and he will seek answers.  This could go on for years and you could become consumed getting to the bottom of each and every event.  

    Certainly try to get closure, but keep living your life.

Reply

  • I know it is hard for everyone to "move on".  I said to my son's that putting all their energy into finding answers from their dad is understandable but, if he is is unwilling or unable to give them the peace they need, what then?  My son's have ASC and although they didn't have many friends at the time, they were able to vent AT me, teachers, etcwho gave them a voice.

    As you say going through every permutation may happen, however how do you know that you have explored every permutation?  this was my point.  Without his father explaining why he did what he did, then this young man may never find an answer, and even if he finds the truth, without his father acknowledging it, then how will he know he's right. Sort of going round in circles.

    My son's don't have closure and as a, result have no real connection with  their dad.  They are polite but distant, never letting him into their inner world because he did not let them into his.  Yet to this day he still doesn't see how the  two are connected and is totally baffled by their distant behaviour.  

    Even if this young man gets the truth he seeks, it is likely that something else will happen that hurts him and he will seek answers.  This could go on for years and you could become consumed getting to the bottom of each and every event.  

    Certainly try to get closure, but keep living your life.

Children
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