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Does anyone use private therapists?

carebear8

My son is 8 and has Aspergers.  Very high functioning.  We have just returned from a trip to America to visit his godparents. He was completely overwhelmed and found it difficult to interact at points and went into shutdown mode several times. His behaviour was worse than we experience with him at home.

His godparents have now responded to say that I am holding him back as he is so smart and cannot reach his potential as he is.  They think he should be in therapy for social skills on an intensive level.  They say that even Aspergers kids get 20 hours of therapy per week in the U.S

I am feeling like a failure as a parent as they are very close to me.  He doesn't have a statement at school and copes very well as he is in a structured routine.  He does have difficult with change and new places. I am not sure whether to pursue further help.  Does anyone else use private therapists for their high functioning kids?

  • Hi, firstly i dont blame you for feeling hurt that they have made it like youre not doing your best for your son, i dnt know you but im pretty confident that you are doing a brilliant job! So let that wash over you.

    Secondly, the services and funding and the process that the US has will be compllletely different to what we in the uk have- hell, it differs great even from county to county so im finding!

    We dont have use of private services for our son so i dnt really know whether or what sort of things are actually available tbf. What i will say is this, from my understanding of autism a child could be exceptionally clever in the eyes of someone relatively on the outside of their world the grandparents for example in your case, looking in just basing opinion on what they see outwardly in terms of skills/ confidence/ knowledge but the thing with autism is that all that hides the developmental delays and social dificulties that actually make things like being pushed in to more maintream/ higher level studies/ skills management areas and situations which actually they really arent ready for or capable of processing.  Do you see what i mean?

    So while the grandparents in the US see how bright and confident your son is and think that with more 'intensive' therapies' he will be far better off, you might know as his mum that actually that wouldnt be the case, going by your gut feeling trust your judgement and if you feel with services he has atm he is going in at a level best for him then thats completely fine. My son is very bright and confident and my parents still believe he can cope with situations that i know he wont- i felt like you at times, like they thought i was making this up or holding him bck, but i know him far better than anyone else- bar my hubby that is.

  • It's the American way - throw money at a problem and it will somehow magically go away.

    Americans also, because of the way their health provision works, get bombarded daily with infomercials about treatments, and therapies, and what have you, but most of it is rubbish and snake oil sales.

    It sounds to me like you know your son better than they do and are doing the right things for him.

  • Good luck with everything.  I agree with your last para, a lot Smile

  • oh my gosh, thank you for the reply.  That has given me a lot to think about.  I really appreciate it.  I will definitely have to ask her more questions in regard to this.

    His school are preparing to apply for a statement for him as they think he will need it for secondary.  At the moment he is not disruptive enough to qualify and as he is achieving all his targets theres not much to go on but I do have schools support which is good to know that that is the direction they want to take too.

    I have lots of research to do.  I know his godparents meant well as they love him but it did peeve me off that they think I'm not doing enough.  They seem to think that everything can be fixed with money!  If you don't fit into the ideal then you've got no chance of succeeding.  I don't buy into that at all. Why should we all have to fit into a mold of what is deemed acceptable?

    Anyway thanks again x

  • Hi, sounds like he was totally overwhelmed, out of his depth in the US.  How well do his godparents understand autism + are the therapists in the US qualified to give therapy to autistic people?   I would think that would be very important indeed, that they fully understood autism, had some sort of qualification they could show you.  Please don't feel like a failure - his godparents saw him when he was under too much pressure + their reaction was to recommend therapy.  They were concerned.  Just because he's "smart" it doesn't mean that getting therapy will change him radically, because he's always going to be autistic.  As you say, he's different at home, in his comfort-zone.  I suspect that American autistic children who came on holiday over here, with or without therapy would be overwhelmed.  After all, he's only 8.  Who's to say whether the therapy would make much difference.  Do they know how successful this therapy in the US is, because that should be taken into consideration as well.  I'm by no means anti-therapy, but there are so many different kinds of therapist, some not even qualified at all, so it can be a minefield.  Also, regardless of how clever he is, the transition to secondary school can be very difficult for our children.  He's comfortable enough it seems in primary but I think you should apply for a statement of educational needs in time for secondary.  It's a different ball game.  Check out the posts on secondary school + see if there are any comments on therapists.   Don't feel bad because of what his well-meaning godparents said. Unless they see him regularly, all they got was a snapshot of an overwhelmed autistic child.