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How do I support my 19 year old Aspie son?

Zee

I am trying to find anything online that can help me get it right. 
I am a single parent trying to navigate this period of time when my son is becoming an adult. We are constantly arguing and I know am doing it all wrong but don’t know how to fix it.
When he first got his diagnosis at 5, I read everything, listened to everyone and though it didn’t seem like it then, I look back and I think maybe I was doing an okay job, but now I just haven’t got a clue. 
I want to say the right thing but everything he says just confuses me and makes me angry that he doesn’t get it and then it makes me feel guilty that I get so angry. I don’t understand him like I did, I know I shouldn’t but I expect him to know things as an adult, to know what’s right and wrong. I feel like I have forgotten everything I ever learnt about autism. When he says things like “how am I going to cope if my own mother doesn’t understand me” the guilt just kills me but I don’t know how to get it right. 
Basically I am reaching out for any kind of advice, whether that’s reading material or a telling off! 
Apologies if this doesn’t make much sense but hopefully someone out there gets it. 

Parents

  • Could you give us some examples of the things you argue about, Zee? That would help to put a bit more context on things. Autistic people like us usually need more context, as we find it hard to read between the lines.

    If you read everything about Autism when he was 5, 14 years ago, then a little refresher course might be no harm. If for no other reason than he was a child then and is an adult now. There is a lot more information out there these days from the mouths and pens of Autistic adults just like your son. He is, after all, looking to be understood.

Reply

  • Could you give us some examples of the things you argue about, Zee? That would help to put a bit more context on things. Autistic people like us usually need more context, as we find it hard to read between the lines.

    If you read everything about Autism when he was 5, 14 years ago, then a little refresher course might be no harm. If for no other reason than he was a child then and is an adult now. There is a lot more information out there these days from the mouths and pens of Autistic adults just like your son. He is, after all, looking to be understood.

Children
  • in reply to Damojo

    It’s hard to give an example, as arguments stem from the tiniest thing and grow into something that makes no sense to me. I realise afterwards that what I am say and what he is hearing are probably two completely different things to him a lot of the time but I can’t seem to say things in a way that gets through to him and he feels he can’t get through to me. Sorry if this doesn’t help. It is definitely an adult thing and any recommendations you have will be gratefully received. Thank you.