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Advice on how to deal with sibling being a trigger

Aspiemum&wife

Hi everyone

I am a newbie so forgive me if this topic has already been covered.  My son who is 5 has this week been diagnosed with Asperger's.  From what I can see, the trigger of his 'behaviour' seems to be his sister who is 3.  They are an absolute nightmare together.  He keeps lashing out at her, pushing her and bossing her around to the extent that he has a meltdown if she won't do what he is asking her to or play the way he says.  My husband and I quite often have to take them to do different things just to reduce the stress levels. He is generally quite good when it is just him or him and his little brother or when there is another friend around, but if its just the 2 of them or all 3 siblings together then all hell breaks loose!  Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?  Due to it being a recent diagnosis we haven't yet got to grips with his sensory triggers or how to deal with 'discipline' for his actions and how to make the siblings understand when they see him 'getting away with things' so any advice/experiences would be appreciated.

Thank you x

Parents

  • No advice either but my daughter (now 13) had a very difficult relationship with her big brother (now 20) for a long time.  Its eased up a bit since he's been away at Uni and she also has a diagnosis now which has made him understand her a little more.

    The only thing I could put it down to was an extreme jealousy.  She wanted me to herself.  She liked the idea of him but when he was close by, the jealousy would kick in.  I've always made sure she gets plenty of cuddles and hugs when he's about but I've made sure he gets his fair share too.  To begin with, I put down a lot of her behaviour to their dad leaving but over the years, I could see that it might have been a trigger but looking back now, I think it triggered a lot of her anxieties as her ASD traits became far more apparent after he'd gone.

Reply

  • No advice either but my daughter (now 13) had a very difficult relationship with her big brother (now 20) for a long time.  Its eased up a bit since he's been away at Uni and she also has a diagnosis now which has made him understand her a little more.

    The only thing I could put it down to was an extreme jealousy.  She wanted me to herself.  She liked the idea of him but when he was close by, the jealousy would kick in.  I've always made sure she gets plenty of cuddles and hugs when he's about but I've made sure he gets his fair share too.  To begin with, I put down a lot of her behaviour to their dad leaving but over the years, I could see that it might have been a trigger but looking back now, I think it triggered a lot of her anxieties as her ASD traits became far more apparent after he'd gone.

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