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Advice on how to deal with sibling being a trigger

Aspiemum&wife

Hi everyone

I am a newbie so forgive me if this topic has already been covered.  My son who is 5 has this week been diagnosed with Asperger's.  From what I can see, the trigger of his 'behaviour' seems to be his sister who is 3.  They are an absolute nightmare together.  He keeps lashing out at her, pushing her and bossing her around to the extent that he has a meltdown if she won't do what he is asking her to or play the way he says.  My husband and I quite often have to take them to do different things just to reduce the stress levels. He is generally quite good when it is just him or him and his little brother or when there is another friend around, but if its just the 2 of them or all 3 siblings together then all hell breaks loose!  Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?  Due to it being a recent diagnosis we haven't yet got to grips with his sensory triggers or how to deal with 'discipline' for his actions and how to make the siblings understand when they see him 'getting away with things' so any advice/experiences would be appreciated.

Thank you x

  • I understand its so difficult to work out what the reasons for the anxieties are, my daughter has been diagnosed with chronic anxiety along with her autism. Sometimes we wonder if she is just being your average naughty 3 year old and screaming, lashing out to get her own way or if its the Autism.....so hard to work it all out and not a clue how to reward or even give a consequence for hitting, lashing out. Not sure if we should be using time out or if this would increase her anxiety. Even the proffessionals who are involved differ on this. She has language but mainly echolalia, sometimes in context sometimes not.

    Did you give any time outs etc? The reason for our confusion on this, is that Im not sure she understands what this would mean. We say in a firm voice "dont hit Erin" She then does this more so, which then results in her being put in her bed, but this still hasnt helped any of these behaviours. Its so frustrating!!! Congrats to you on getting through these years :)

  • No advice either but my daughter (now 13) had a very difficult relationship with her big brother (now 20) for a long time.  Its eased up a bit since he's been away at Uni and she also has a diagnosis now which has made him understand her a little more.

    The only thing I could put it down to was an extreme jealousy.  She wanted me to herself.  She liked the idea of him but when he was close by, the jealousy would kick in.  I've always made sure she gets plenty of cuddles and hugs when he's about but I've made sure he gets his fair share too.  To begin with, I put down a lot of her behaviour to their dad leaving but over the years, I could see that it might have been a trigger but looking back now, I think it triggered a lot of her anxieties as her ASD traits became far more apparent after he'd gone.

  • Hi there

    Sorry I dont have much help/advice on this as I'm going through the same thing with my 3 year old (diagnosed with autism at 2) and her little sister who is only 20 months old. The reason I think Emma lashes out at her is because as you say, things arent being played with the way Emma would like, or even if her sister is in her space or near her toys. Its very frustrating and heartbreaking for us when she lashes out as her sister isnt doing anything to provoke her and she is so little so this upsets me :( Just wanted you to know you are not alone. My partner and I are exhausted by the end of the night and I am often in tears. We have baby number 4 on the way too so stress seems to be a way of life at the mo.

    If you get any advice or think of anything to help the situation please let me know too :)

     

    Thanks x