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Dad not coping

weefi

I love my husband and I love my daughter. But my husband is struggling to cope with my daughter's diagnosis if aspergers. Tonight he got very intimidating with her when she kicked off. She is 10. He suffers from depression and I have recently had surgery - so she is struggling to cope with that and is more volatile as a result. My husband also struggles when I am off my feet. He adores his daughters, we have 3, but sometimes he really flips out when she is kicking off and I worry about him as much as her because he would be devastated if he inadvertently hurt her. I am not sure what I am looking for in posting this but he is now in bed and I am sitting sobbing because I feel so caught in the middle and I want someone to understand.

  • Thank you both for your comments. My husband and I have both toyed with the idea that he may also be an aspie. Although he has a number if traits, I don't think he would necessarily qualify for a diagnosis - a bit in the middle I think.

    Thank you for the thought that things will improve. Things are already better than they were a few years ago - I can see that better today than a couple of nights ago ;). Sometimes I just need a vent and then I can put on my coping hat again for w few weeks b4 I crash again. My husband does try - he has whisked me away for a weekend of pampering, in Jan. It was lovely but I am still trying to convince him that although time away together is great and necessary, what I need is daily support from him! 

    I am glad that your son us able to be more understanding with you, this is tough with my husband I cannot imagine having to do it alone :)

    Thank you again folks. X

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    It sounds as though your husband may be an Aspie too. His behaviour and inability to deal with your daughter suggests to me that he may be struggling with his social skills. Undiagnosed Aspies are also susceptible to depression. (I've been there and know what it feels like to live in the wrong planet!)

    Do you think this is possible?

  • Hi Weefi

    I'm not in your position as I'm a single mum however my eldest child used to get very angry with my daughter when she was having meltdown's (she was undiagnosed then) and angry with me because he thought I let her behave badly.  Its a very difficult situation to be in.  My son went off to uni and while he was there, he did some work experience with kids with special needs and he's grown up a lot now plus my daughter finally got her diagnosis.  I think what I'm trying to say, things move on and they can get better.  In the meantime, can you talk to him?  Perhaps access some parent support group so he can talk to other fathers?  Or even arrange grandparents to babysit so you two can have a night out and some time alone to recharge your batteries?