Husband not supportive in daughter going for autism assessment

From a husband’s perspective…

Over the years I’ve been around many families in similar situations to ours as our son was growing up. It was not uncommon for me to see the mother leading the charge toward getting a diagnosis and support, while the father resisted in one way or another from the rear...

I've seen plenty of dads whose egos were threatened by the idea that their child might not be completely typical - as if it reflected poorly on them or signalled weakness.  I also knew dads who thought they were protecting their child by avoiding a diagnosis, worrying that a label might 'affect them in later life', say by reducing their chances of being accepted into a particular private school for example.  And there were some dads who just didn’t want to know and didn't want to be involved (real charmers those guys...).

That said, I know some who were supportive from the start, but in almost every case I never saw a dad leading the effort.  The only exception was a single father I know whose partner had left him because she couldn’t cope with a young child who had autism that was also profoundly deaf.

My point is that parents very often approach these situations from different angles. I say push for the diagnosis and let your husband come to terms with it in his own time. Don’t be held back - not even for a day. The early years are far more critical for your daughter than the later ones.

You’re her mother and you know better than anyone what’s right for her. Trust your instincts. Your relationship with your husband is a separate matter and, from what you’ve described above, needs to be addressed separately to what's in your daughter's best interests.

Best of luck.

From a husband’s perspective…

Over the years I’ve been around many families in similar situations to ours as our son was growing up. It was not uncommon for me to see the mother leading the charge toward getting a diagnosis and support, while the father resisted in one way or another from the rear...

I've seen plenty of dads whose egos were threatened by the idea that their child might not be completely typical - as if it reflected poorly on them or signalled weakness.  I also knew dads who thought they were protecting their child by avoiding a diagnosis, worrying that a label might 'affect them in later life', say by reducing their chances of being accepted into a particular private school for example.  And there were some dads who just didn’t want to know and didn't want to be involved (real charmers those guys...).

That said, I know some who were supportive from the start, but in almost every case I never saw a dad leading the effort.  The only exception was a single father I know whose partner had left him because she couldn’t cope with a young child who had autism that was also profoundly deaf.

My point is that parents very often approach these situations from different angles. I say push for the diagnosis and let your husband come to terms with it in his own time. Don’t be held back - not even for a day. The early years are far more critical for your daughter than the later ones.

You’re her mother and you know better than anyone what’s right for her. Trust your instincts. Your relationship with your husband is a separate matter and, from what you’ve described above, needs to be addressed separately to what's in your daughter's best interests.

Best of luck.