Husband not supportive in daughter going for autism assessment

Hi Chloe - congratulations on your diagnoses and welcome to the community.

I can only imagine how exhausted and lonely you must be feeling, and my heart goes out to you. My diagnosis experience was hard enough, and that was without having also had to lead a child through two diagnoses of their own, whilst faced with opposition from my partner to all of it.

I can relate to your concerns (and wouldn't dream of suggesting that they might be a "fixation" or "cognitive distortion", or that diagnoses are "just labels").

For me, my diagnosis was a life-changing revelation that has fundamentally changed how I understand, think about, and accommodate myself - and I need my partner to share that understanding, and to be supportive as I try to adapt how I live to better match my needs and capabilities.

My partner is supposed to be "my person" - the person in this world who I can count on the most to be fully invested in understanding and supporting me in the best way that they can. If they're not willing to do that, then it raises major concerns about their level of love and respect for me, and their level of investment in making our relationship work.

It could certainly take time for your husband to accept, absorb, and process the implications of these diagnoses - although he'd ideally have learned about everything alongside you, in a supportive way. But only you can decide what's best for you and your daughter.

In respect of getting access to some immediate support, you might find it helpful to talk with your GP. They might be able to provide support via, for example, such things as medication, talking therapy, and/or referring you to a social prescriber (who might be able to help with finding local support groups, for example).

I'd also suggest checking out Autistic Parents UK, whose resources include peer support via both Facebook and Discord, facilitated groups, and one-on-one support:

"Autistic Parents UK CIO was founded in 2020 by Autistic parents seeking connection and support, born from a deep understanding of the unique challenges Autistic individuals face while navigating parenthood. We are the only national, Autistic-led charity offering essential support services, resources, education and a thriving community for Autistic parents."

Facebook - Autistic Parents UK - Peer Support Group

Autistic Parents UK - Peer Support

You might like to consider seeking emotional support from other parents who are, or who have been, in a similar situation via the NAS's parent-to-parent helpline. You can request a call here:

NAS - Parent to Parent Emotional Support Helpline

You might also find these resources helpful:

NAS - How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis

NAS - Autistic fatigue and burnout

NAS - Depression

I wish you all the best as you and your daughter - and hopefully also your husband - work through this new chapter in your lives.

Hi Chloe - congratulations on your diagnoses and welcome to the community.

I can only imagine how exhausted and lonely you must be feeling, and my heart goes out to you. My diagnosis experience was hard enough, and that was without having also had to lead a child through two diagnoses of their own, whilst faced with opposition from my partner to all of it.

I can relate to your concerns (and wouldn't dream of suggesting that they might be a "fixation" or "cognitive distortion", or that diagnoses are "just labels").

For me, my diagnosis was a life-changing revelation that has fundamentally changed how I understand, think about, and accommodate myself - and I need my partner to share that understanding, and to be supportive as I try to adapt how I live to better match my needs and capabilities.

My partner is supposed to be "my person" - the person in this world who I can count on the most to be fully invested in understanding and supporting me in the best way that they can. If they're not willing to do that, then it raises major concerns about their level of love and respect for me, and their level of investment in making our relationship work.

It could certainly take time for your husband to accept, absorb, and process the implications of these diagnoses - although he'd ideally have learned about everything alongside you, in a supportive way. But only you can decide what's best for you and your daughter.

In respect of getting access to some immediate support, you might find it helpful to talk with your GP. They might be able to provide support via, for example, such things as medication, talking therapy, and/or referring you to a social prescriber (who might be able to help with finding local support groups, for example).

I'd also suggest checking out Autistic Parents UK, whose resources include peer support via both Facebook and Discord, facilitated groups, and one-on-one support:

"Autistic Parents UK CIO was founded in 2020 by Autistic parents seeking connection and support, born from a deep understanding of the unique challenges Autistic individuals face while navigating parenthood. We are the only national, Autistic-led charity offering essential support services, resources, education and a thriving community for Autistic parents."

Facebook - Autistic Parents UK - Peer Support Group

Autistic Parents UK - Peer Support

You might like to consider seeking emotional support from other parents who are, or who have been, in a similar situation via the NAS's parent-to-parent helpline. You can request a call here:

NAS - Parent to Parent Emotional Support Helpline

You might also find these resources helpful:

NAS - How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis

NAS - Autistic fatigue and burnout

NAS - Depression

I wish you all the best as you and your daughter - and hopefully also your husband - work through this new chapter in your lives.

I have noted your comments and ammended my post. You are right