• Replies 6 replies
  • Subscribers 71 subscribers
  • Views 897 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Husband not supportive in daughter going for autism assessment

Chloe1980

Hello

I am recently diagnosed at 44 with Autism, ADHD last year. I had to convince my husband I had ADHD and he didn’t believe me until I got the diagnosis then it was the same with the Autism. He then realised he has ADHD but would never go for a diagnosis. I mentioned a year ago to him that I thought our daughter had ADHD and Autism and he got really defensive saying there was no way and I’ve had to fight emotionally every tiny step of the way, from chew necklaces to talking to the school to going for an assessment, after many fallouts eventually he sees her ADHD then it was more convincing to take her for a diagnosis but he still refuses to see the Autism, despite me saying I see it clearly and despite my diagnosis. I am utterly exhausted, on top of all this he hasn’t even talked to me about my diagnosis saying it doesn’t change anything. I know it sounds dramatic but I’m starting to actually seriously question my marriage, this is not an unfamiliar pattern , we’ve been together since we were 18 and now I see my life through new eyes I’m starting to question everything and it feels very, very lonely.

I am just wondered is this common for me to feel this way after late diagnosis, is anyone on here going through similar? I have fought for over three years to get both my diagnosis and now I feel I’m alone in getting my daughter's. I feel like I’ve been in the Truman show my whole life and just realised I’m in the Truman show. Feeling very sad and burnt out.

Parents

  • Edit. In light of Bunny's post, perhaps I misunderstood. I'm sorry. I have removed the original comment.

    You should of course do what is best for your daughter. You would hope you would be supported in this by your partner. Your frustration is reasonable. 

    I thought your main concern was that you saw something your husband does not and that he does not see the value in pursuing diagnoses.

    I wasn't sure if your frustration was with your husband for not seeing your issues or supporting you, for not seeing his own  issues, not seeing you daughters issues, or the status of your relationship in general.

    These seem separate issues.

    I would think if you have been together for 26 years you would know how to live with each other. If you want some changes, you could do that anyway, or seek counselling.

    But it seems the main problem is getting your daughter a ASD assessment, then maybe discuss that first with GP or school, I assume she was not considered for this previously as a joint assessment. I just meant to raise the possibility of whether she actually, but the only way to know to be assessed.

    I was trying to see things from you husbands perspective in case it could be helpful. But I did not mean to be unkind.

    I just wanted to raise the possibility you might be getting overloaded. Maybe you also need some help.

Reply

  • Edit. In light of Bunny's post, perhaps I misunderstood. I'm sorry. I have removed the original comment.

    You should of course do what is best for your daughter. You would hope you would be supported in this by your partner. Your frustration is reasonable. 

    I thought your main concern was that you saw something your husband does not and that he does not see the value in pursuing diagnoses.

    I wasn't sure if your frustration was with your husband for not seeing your issues or supporting you, for not seeing his own  issues, not seeing you daughters issues, or the status of your relationship in general.

    These seem separate issues.

    I would think if you have been together for 26 years you would know how to live with each other. If you want some changes, you could do that anyway, or seek counselling.

    But it seems the main problem is getting your daughter a ASD assessment, then maybe discuss that first with GP or school, I assume she was not considered for this previously as a joint assessment. I just meant to raise the possibility of whether she actually, but the only way to know to be assessed.

    I was trying to see things from you husbands perspective in case it could be helpful. But I did not mean to be unkind.

    I just wanted to raise the possibility you might be getting overloaded. Maybe you also need some help.

Children
No Data