Struggling single parent

Hiya mate, I sympathise wth you and what you are going through with your son. I’m autistic and a single dad to two kids, a son (9 years old), and a daughter (13 years old). Both have autism and my daughter has ADHD as well. I’ve had tantrums and outbursts from them both in the past, usually over not having their own way. As you find with your son, generally they are good as gold and very polite but sometimes when they’re staying with me one or the other will have a tantrum.

So what I do is wait for them to calm down. I’ll give the dad speech, that’s not the sort of behaviour I expect to see from you young man/lady, and then I tell them to go to their room and don’t come out until you’ve calmed down. I always make a hot chocolate next, and within half an hour, he or she comes out and apologises. We talk it out over the hot chocolate and normally it’s they miss their mum, or they’re anxious because of school.

Afterwards I get a hug or a high five from my son for listening and being supportive.

When it’s related to something they want but can’t have I handle things differently. I can’t give in and let them have what they want every time, an occasional treat is fine but not all the time or they expect it. Once the tantrum is over I tell them off, I’m disappointed in you and then the punishment is no TV for the night, no games console and so on.

I feel bad for doing it, they’re my kids and I remember wanting things and my parents saying no, I can sympathise but this is part of growing up and if they have their own way all the time it will turn them into horrible people. So it really is for their own good and my method of banning the things they enjoy worked/works.

We almost never have tantrums for things they want but can’t have anymore. My son very occasionally will throw a tantrum if he can’t have something, and then I ban say his games console and the next morning he apologises. My daughter never throws tantrums if she can’t have something, I guess where she is that bit older she understands better.

So really it’s up to you, you’re the parent and you decide whether to let him have his own way or lay down some rules. In the short term things are going to be confrontational and unpleasant. He won’t be happy with you. But in the long term it’s for the best and he will slowly come to terms.

That’s what happened with my two anyway. Oh the joys of parenting!

Hiya mate, I sympathise wth you and what you are going through with your son. I’m autistic and a single dad to two kids, a son (9 years old), and a daughter (13 years old). Both have autism and my daughter has ADHD as well. I’ve had tantrums and outbursts from them both in the past, usually over not having their own way. As you find with your son, generally they are good as gold and very polite but sometimes when they’re staying with me one or the other will have a tantrum.

So what I do is wait for them to calm down. I’ll give the dad speech, that’s not the sort of behaviour I expect to see from you young man/lady, and then I tell them to go to their room and don’t come out until you’ve calmed down. I always make a hot chocolate next, and within half an hour, he or she comes out and apologises. We talk it out over the hot chocolate and normally it’s they miss their mum, or they’re anxious because of school.

Afterwards I get a hug or a high five from my son for listening and being supportive.

When it’s related to something they want but can’t have I handle things differently. I can’t give in and let them have what they want every time, an occasional treat is fine but not all the time or they expect it. Once the tantrum is over I tell them off, I’m disappointed in you and then the punishment is no TV for the night, no games console and so on.

I feel bad for doing it, they’re my kids and I remember wanting things and my parents saying no, I can sympathise but this is part of growing up and if they have their own way all the time it will turn them into horrible people. So it really is for their own good and my method of banning the things they enjoy worked/works.

We almost never have tantrums for things they want but can’t have anymore. My son very occasionally will throw a tantrum if he can’t have something, and then I ban say his games console and the next morning he apologises. My daughter never throws tantrums if she can’t have something, I guess where she is that bit older she understands better.

So really it’s up to you, you’re the parent and you decide whether to let him have his own way or lay down some rules. In the short term things are going to be confrontational and unpleasant. He won’t be happy with you. But in the long term it’s for the best and he will slowly come to terms.

That’s what happened with my two anyway. Oh the joys of parenting!