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Meltdown

Anonymous234

Hello everyone. I am formally diagnosed with autism in my early adult years. I've realised all my life that I was not "normal". I have always had anger issues and not sure how to control/manage my emotions. I have had meltdowns over the years where I lose control and say mean things I really don't mean. I really feel guilty about it, I'm trying to figure out ways to control my frequent meltdowns. I felt really upset today and was really close to tears how I have been difficult over the years with my family and friends over the years. How much stress I've put my family through my autism challenges, it's really taking an emotional tool on me. I have regrets every single day of my life over my meltdowns.

I had no idea it was autism I had years ago. I never understood why I was struggling so badly.

I don't mean all the horrible things I have said to people when having my meltdown. My triggers include too much information overload, being hungry or tired, overwhelmed emotionally and not knowing to express my emotions in a healthy way.

I am really struggling to deal with my frequent outbursts. Usually they say meditation or mindfulness, I will try that. Any other suggestions to help me deal with the meltdowns and 

I find it difficult to identify my emotions (alexithymia), especially when I get angry, frustrated, rage etc. especially in the heat of the moment. Please help me by either sharing your stories or any advice you have.

Also, massive thank you to everyone who replied to my previous post. I'm starting to feel less alone, knowing that there's people out there who are facing similar struggles to me. Thank you so much. This is the first time that I've opened up on an online forum, glad I'm not being shamed for my struggles.

  • in reply to neuroparent

    Hi, I would be Interested in checking out the app. 

  •   

    I’m the mother of a young primary school girl who has lots of emotional outbursts which are hard on all of us, therefore your email really resonated with me. I love my daughter SO much and even though there have been very difficult times I would never want her to feel bad/guilty about them either now or in the future. (I feel a lot of guilt for not always knowing how best to support my daughter in these moments). If you are able to I’d recommend talking to your parents about this you might find it a very healing process for all of you.

  • in reply to neuroparent

    I'd like to remind you of rules 12 and 14 of the community:  

    Rule 12: No sales or advertisements. Please do not join the forum to sell products or services. You can share recommendations, but you must mention if you are affiliated with the products or services you choose to recommend. The National Autistic Society cannot guarantee the quality of any products or services shared. Organisations and services in the UK that are specifically for or have adapted their services to meet the needs of autistic people and their families may apply to be listed on our Autism Services Directory. 
     
     
    Rule 14: No research requests. We do not allow research requests in the Online Community. Direct research requests should be submitted to our Research team at research@nas.org.uk. This rule ensures that privacy and ethical standards are followed. 
    Many thanks
    Sharon Mod
  • in reply to neuroparent

    I’m going to give it a go as well for both me and my son.

    Great idea! 

  • in reply to D

    It's a web app, so all you need is your browser, on desktop or mobile. I'm currently working on making it a native app.

  • This sounds so much like me. I'd like to type more but I'm just about to start work, so just know that you're not alone and you're in the right place to be heard and validated. Much love. Blushpeople hugging

  • Anon,

    No one here will shame you for being what you are because you are like us. I would wager that any neurotypical who joined this community to try and shame us would get nowhere very fast. 

    Going back to your OP, once again someone has told a tale I recognise in myself. From the bottom of my very emotional heart… THANK YOU… we are not alone. 

    I had one last night with the local secretary to the party politburo, Ahem, so called operations manager wt the GP surgery who constantly refuses to answer a simple question with a straight answer. There have been others.

  • in reply to neuroparent

    iPhone, Android or Both?

    I can try help woth feedback for Android. I'm a software developer (C#), and also have a little experience with play store (but not extensive and quite dated). Also have some experience with UX. Not with graphics, but may be able to advise on making things more intuitive, etc if required.

  • in reply to neuroparent

    Hi. I have sent you a friend request with a message. Please can I test your app? I am badly in need of help with my meltdown.

  • in reply to Anonymous234

    I created an app for crisis moments. I have an autistic son and realized through my searching online that there was nothing for IN THE MOMENT help, only before or after. I am currently looking for people to test the app for free in exchange for feedback, if you want to try it out, just send me a message.

  • in reply to Desmond1979

    Hi  thank you so much! Do you have coping strategies/techniques that I could possibly try to calm down my meltdowns or extreme emotions? I have alexithymia which means I find it difficult to interpret my emotions.

  • in reply to Professor Precise-a-bug

    Try different browsers maybe? I've been struggling with meltdowns quite a lot recently. It's anger or frustration or lashing out by saying mean things I don't mean. I hope I can overcome this.

  • Thank you everyone for the kind responses! I really appreciate it. If anyone would like to add any further suggestions to this thread, you're very welcome to do so!  

  • Thank you everyone. I'm trying to be more compassionate to myself but I end up feeling massive pangs of guilt and shame. Any suggestions are most welcome. 

  • I understand about the on-the-spot rage. I get pi$$ed off relatively easy, but do a good job bottling it up. I look after a friend, who's an Artist, who gets really spare whenever he's shopping at Lidl. Then, I'm the mad one when manoeuvring for an awkward parking bay.

    Masking is rough. Exacerbated, for me, by those saying, "You don't want people talking about you!"

  • I think a great place to start would be to have a conversation with family, friends and loved ones and make them aware that what you experience and share is meltdown behaviour. I’m sure when they know you don’t always have control over it they will understand. Please try not to give yourself a hard time over this as being overwhelmed is a tough thing to manage but with their understanding hopefully will help you to not feel so guilty. I think once a meltdown starts it has to run its course (in my case), it’s like it needs to come out in order to start regulating myself. 
    I used to get angry when I was younger and as you said I didn’t understand they were meltdowns, my dad used to try to calm me down ( luckily he was very patient with me) but I do understand the guilt you feel. I don’t get angry anymore, when I feel these feelings building up inside me I take myself away and have some downtime or do a meditation. My therapist taught me rather than concentrating on the thoughts to concentrate on the body and your breathing, I found that to be very good advice.

    Dont be hard on yourself, you will find a way to get around this but it might be a case of trial and error. At least if you let people know what you experience they won’t jump to the wrong conclusions when things spill over. 

    stay well

  • in reply to Professor Precise-a-bug

    I haven’t worked out how to find it yet, but you could try searching specific subject words.

  • Sorry to but in…

    But where the hell is the link to the top page of the community pages?

    all I get is a return to recent posts.

    I need to search some particular subjects