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Autistic daughter addicted to screens and expresses self hatred when they're switched off - help

Kaye

Hi,

My 11 year old daughter, diagnosed last summer, seems hopelessly addicted to screens. When she had set periods of screen time, she'd have massive meltdowns and get very violent when the screens were switched off. The school and early help worker advised that the screens were her safe place and to let her have them more.

However, she now does nothing else. I feel powerless to change the situation. She is very tall and strong for her age (more like a strong 15 year old than 11).

I don't know what to do! She is very intellectual, is in a mainstream school and masks all day long. I don't mind screens on school days so much as being at school puts a natural limit. Holidays are an issue though. 

Also, I'm concerned that she expresses that she wants to kill herself, hates her life, cannot change when she's in a Meltdown.

Any advice, please?

Many thanks. 

Parents

  • I’m sorry that this is causing you a lot of worry. Myself and my two adult children are autistic. My youngest in particular spends a huge amount of time on his iPad - and I spend more time on my iPad too than most people do. What is your daughter doing - is it mainly gaming or YouTube? Or other things? I think spending loads of time looking at screens can lower mood, but have you spoken to her about where her feelings of self hatred are coming from? I also think that when someone says they want to kill themselves then this should always be taken extremely seriously. The only way to help your daughter is to try to open the lines of communication with her and truly listen to her and be there for her - and hopefully she’ll open up to you about what she needs to help her to feel happier. Screen time might be the only thing she is enjoying right now - so she will feel threatened if she feels you are wanting to take some of that away from her. So I would start from the point of just being there for her and showing her love and care, and making it clear you really want to listen to her and understand her needs, and help her - and if she needs loads of screen time to feel ok then make her aware that you understand that and will respect her wishes if it’s important to her. The screen time isn’t inherently a problem - but her self hatred is a problem. That’s what I would focus on : trying to help her to be more loving and kind towards herself.

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    I have been really pondering this one - but struggling to compose how to articulate it well - thank you - you absolutely read my mind and described it so beautifully.

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