Autistic daughter addicted to screens and expresses self hatred when they're switched off - help

Perhaps you could say to her that you respect her right to not talk about what she is struggling with until she is ready, and that you know (because you feel it yourself sometimes) that the things that are most sensitive to us are hard to talk about and that she rightfully wants to wait til she is ready and comfortable enough to do that. But that whenever she wants to talk about anything at all that you are 100% there for her no matter what - and that you will be  a good listener when she feels ready. 
Re. her rejecting compliments - I think I was a bit like this when I was a teenager! I didn’t believe anything good about myself - and I didn’t know how to handle compliments at all. I grew up in a family that was very negative so I wasn’t used to compliments and felt a bit panicky and confused if someone paid me a compliment. So I can relate to her discomfort about that from my memories of when I was young. 
I think a lot of problems stem from our inability to handle difficult emotions. Your daughter is (I suspect) experiencing a lot of difficult emotions and she hasn’t yet worked out what to do with them. The internet is a great source of distraction from facing aspects of life that we are struggling with and that might be why she is spending so much time on screens. 
I would try and convey to her that you know that she is struggling right now - and that her struggles are a completely normal reaction to all the challenges she is currently facing in her life. Life isn’t easy and it’s especially not easy if you’re young and autistic and dealing with school etc - it can feel completely overwhelming for any teenager. She’s not broken - she’s just trying to cope as best she can. As parents I feel one of our most important jobs is to let our children know that we are on their side 100% no matter what - complete unconditional love - and that we are going to try to help them in any way we can - even if that means respecting their right to NOT talk about something. 
Reassure her that it’s going to be ok, and that together you can get through any difficulty or problem in time. That she’s not alone, you have her back no matter what. That ultimately all you care about is her happiness and well being - and if right now that means her spending a ton of time on screens then you can understand that. (With the caveat that you’re sure she’s not engaging with any toxic people online obviously). 
You’ll both get through this - I know it’s hard but things will improve in time x 

Kaye said:

she won't take a compliment about herself, always pushes back saying it's not true

This is often a self-esteem linked issue (which is common in young people, and on its own, not particularly worrying).   They are more inclined to take compliments from their own peer group than others, for it is those they seem to want to impress.  If someone else tries, they don't get believed.  It sounds (awful) but often a compliment from an adult is seemingly not the validation they are seeking, if that makes sense.  

Thank you for your wise words. Whenever I broach any topic like this, she closes right up and never wants to talk about it. I will keep trying though. 

Also, she won't take a compliment about herself, always pushes back saying it's not true. Any advice on that? 

There is such a thing as Autistic Gymnastics (less focus on the athletic ability, more focus on the sensory and therapeutic outcomes). 

It may be an idea to take a look around to see if anything like this is available to you locally. 

Unfortunately that i-pad is the believable safe space right now (even if it isn't) and the objective really is to lever the i-pad out and replace it with something more rewarding & life-enhancing - without her actually realising that is the objective.  I know that sounds devious and underhand, but the internet is not an 11yr old's best friend.  

I have been really pondering this one - but struggling to compose how to articulate it well - thank you - you absolutely read my mind and described it so beautifully.

I’m sorry that this is causing you a lot of worry. Myself and my two adult children are autistic. My youngest in particular spends a huge amount of time on his iPad - and I spend more time on my iPad too than most people do. What is your daughter doing - is it mainly gaming or YouTube? Or other things? I think spending loads of time looking at screens can lower mood, but have you spoken to her about where her feelings of self hatred are coming from? I also think that when someone says they want to kill themselves then this should always be taken extremely seriously. The only way to help your daughter is to try to open the lines of communication with her and truly listen to her and be there for her - and hopefully she’ll open up to you about what she needs to help her to feel happier. Screen time might be the only thing she is enjoying right now - so she will feel threatened if she feels you are wanting to take some of that away from her. So I would start from the point of just being there for her and showing her love and care, and making it clear you really want to listen to her and understand her needs, and help her - and if she needs loads of screen time to feel ok then make her aware that you understand that and will respect her wishes if it’s important to her. The screen time isn’t inherently a problem - but her self hatred is a problem. That’s what I would focus on : trying to help her to be more loving and kind towards herself.

Thank you very much. Unfortunately she's lost interest in hockey, which she had been enjoying. She does want to join the gym so that's something I need to look at. Hopefully it'll at least get her out if the house a few times a week. 

She has a camhs referral a while ago but she's not willing to get any help so they couldn't offer her anything at this stage. That was a while ago though, so perhaps I should try again.

Thanks for your reply. This is the first time I've found this forum, and I'm grateful to know I'm not alone in this. 

I am sorry to hear of your issues, which are certainly not uncommon.  Short of disconnecting the wireless or reducing screen time, there is little you can do, and that needs to be balanced against the behaviour it will induce should you do it.

I can only imagine that the problem is accentuated during the current Easter holidays, and many would suggest the key to having a healthier, balanced life is to spend more time outdoors - with friends, perhaps engaging in new hobbies or pursuits and trying different things that would at least break up the day and provide some balance. 

Easier said than done.

Do you have any input from CAMHS?  Does she have friends that go out and take part in outdoor activities?  Are there any clubs/sports/social groups that she might be interested in?  

You could try speaking to your GP about social prescribing for children.  The aim here is to connect people with groups & activities to give them different outlooks & perspectives.

If she is continuing to cause concern with statements about harming herself, please don't hesitate to call a healthcare professional. 

I wish you luck.