• Replies 4 replies
  • Subscribers 65 subscribers
  • Views 1236 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

how to convince my husband to let my son go for Asperger diagnosis

puffin

We have known now for two years my son has ASD probably Aspergers.  It was brought to our attention my his P1 teacher,  we were completly oblivious as we led a quiet sheltered life and knew our son had quirks but suspected nothing more.

of course it was worse at school, no eye contact not speaking up, eager to please easily frustrated embarassed, he just strauggled at everything social and unstrauctured, gym and swimming were a nightmare!

I speak to my husband about it ( we can now see my husnabd is also on the spoectrum) but holds down a job.

My husband accepts the Aspergers but is most worried about the burden of you have a disability, he just feels no matter how much you jazz it up thats what it comes down to and our son he fears is clever enough to figure that out and will have another burden to bare.  He knows he is different in a good way , i tell him every day.  We also accept his social struggles and help him where we can  He is ok with us by his side (extra confidence) he struggles when we are not there.

Prt of me agrees with my husband, yet the other worries he may find out accidently which would be awful also i have read so many times notes from children that wished there parents had explained there difrerences earlier, it would have explained alot.

I am worried about giving it the name i guess as he already accepts difference can be good.  But he also desperatly wants to fit in and be like his friends!

I would not go for diagnosis unless my husband was 100% behind it.

We have little facilities where we help and i have been told if our son was diagnosed officialy there would not be much help as he is high fuctioning so my husbands other arguement is what is the point?

has anyone out there accepted the ASD without wanting or needing a official diagnosis?

Any ideas on convincing my husband to let our son be officially diagnosed if only to help me learn  the best way to teach him, as he is now homeschooled and content.

Thank you in advance,

Puffin

Parents

  • Hi puffin

    Think of it this way, before you know it your child will be wanting to enter into a relationship with someone.  If your son is unaware of why he behaves the way he does and has not accepted his traits, then there is a strong possibility that the relationship will fail.  However with knowledge your son can say "I have aspergers (if that's the diagnosis) and I struggle with ...... and you need to say exactly what you want because I cannot interpret your needs very easily.    Both parties I feel will benefit from knowing at the start how to communicate with each other.

    Your husband may never accept the diagnosis, many don't.  Some men leave the marriage after diagnosis.  Some just shut it out and leave the wife to do all the work.  this can make you resentful, so you need to understand why your husband behaves the way he does and either accept it, try to get him to support you or leave.  

    However, having the diagnosis means that you can be more selective in your research and won't be floundering around in the darkness not being sure if Your hunch is right.

    Family members may also try to discredit a diagnosis by showing you your son is just stubborn, wilful and may even try boot camp tactics to prove they are right.

    Anyway, you are not alone.  Keep strong and do something fun this weekend.

Reply

  • Hi puffin

    Think of it this way, before you know it your child will be wanting to enter into a relationship with someone.  If your son is unaware of why he behaves the way he does and has not accepted his traits, then there is a strong possibility that the relationship will fail.  However with knowledge your son can say "I have aspergers (if that's the diagnosis) and I struggle with ...... and you need to say exactly what you want because I cannot interpret your needs very easily.    Both parties I feel will benefit from knowing at the start how to communicate with each other.

    Your husband may never accept the diagnosis, many don't.  Some men leave the marriage after diagnosis.  Some just shut it out and leave the wife to do all the work.  this can make you resentful, so you need to understand why your husband behaves the way he does and either accept it, try to get him to support you or leave.  

    However, having the diagnosis means that you can be more selective in your research and won't be floundering around in the darkness not being sure if Your hunch is right.

    Family members may also try to discredit a diagnosis by showing you your son is just stubborn, wilful and may even try boot camp tactics to prove they are right.

    Anyway, you are not alone.  Keep strong and do something fun this weekend.

Children
No Data