Getting very frustrated trying to find general community to ask a question

Hey Lubiloo 66,

I hear you on the ADHD front. Currently, I sit surrounded by piles of notebooks and scraps of paper. Desperately trying not to procrastinate, it seems that while writing this, I am failing. 

Not quite cracked the 5oth year just yet. But that is only by the slimmest of margins. Nor have I any personal experience of cancer. My old man died at 58, from throat cancer, so maybe it is just a matter of time.

I do not know whether it is my innate personality or that I am genuinely content with my dogs for company. What I will say is that I have never seen the attraction to masking or the benefits in the long run. As others have alluded to, the decision has been made somewhere internally to put yourself first, and given the circumstances, that seems more than fair.

Is anywhere in particular the right place if it doesn't get the help it need?

Keep your head up.

That would be my experience too.

Are you describing your own situation? 

I am in my 60s and had chemotherapy to treat cancer some years ago, over a period of two years. I didn’t know I was autistic then but I masked most of the time, not always successfully. Being so ill and lacking in energy certainly meant that I couldn’t mask for some of the time, but others may have put any change in my behaviour down to fatigue as a result of the chemo and sepsis. 

I don't think it is always useful to link cause and effect to one thing like chemo. Most people receive a cocktail of tailored chemotherapy drugs in each treatment for some of the common cancers, and one person’s response to the drugs will be different to another’s. I think any illness can make a person too tired to mask, but I think it can sometimes be more a psychological state than a physical state. Being older and hopefully wiser, especially since my autism diagnosis, has allowed me to be more confident around not doing something that would be too overwhelming and to just not waste energy on masking all the time.

There is no doubt that I am alive today, thanks to chemotherapy, but the harsh side effects have had a lasting effect, though I couldn’t say it was responsible for masking ability.

For what it might be worth to you (I don't fit the criteria you specified above, but I am quite old 50+) and I believe that as we get older, we simply can't be;

(a) bothered with

(b) find energy for

.......masking, nor a lot of the "accommodations" that we provided to other people when we were younger.

Also, this is a general community so when you say that you 'know this is not the right space' I'm not sure that is so.

I'm unsure really where else might be better and if so, what/whom that community might consist of?

If people can help you here they will I think.

If you were to ask a different question (or add to your original one) you might get some very useful input.

Rather than asking specifically for an older person who has had the same experiences, maybe just ask for ideas as to why you might have experienced this.

There are a lot of older and knowledgeable people here, who I suspect could be helpful to you.

I, for example, am a 63 year old woman, diagnosed at 60, with experience of cancer treatments in those close to me eg. my late sister (not diagnosed autistic).

I'm not very active here nowadays but just wanted to come back on to say this.

I wish you all the best.