SUPPORT AT SCHOOL- MASKING

There is a massive problem with the term Masking and I personally believe it's not productive to use it. Let me explain... 

1. The first problem is everyone Masks. What masking should look like might be what your son is doing: hiding and pretending to get along. Masking is an old term which has to do with repression and intuiting the world around. It's a way of play-pretending with peers and working with unspoken social contracts. The mask is the front image projected to be socially accepted and "play well with others". It creates a degree of distance so one doesn't socially overwhelm another. And it allows one to learn about themselves by playing with different 'faces' or 'masks of the self' and getting feedback until varying forms and projections crystallise. No one is ever their authentic self (we might all find this around 50ish) as masking affords one the time and growth to learn about and become a 'self'. It's a collective experience. 

2. This differs from Autistic masking, or better, camouflaging, where one is not actually connecting, struggling to fit in and hyper-aware to a point of distress. At one extreme, there are those who don't even get the memo we're supposed to pretend. In the best of cases one's mask is haphazardly made but one isn't quite understanding why they're still being rejected.  Others might not actually be masking (no pretend social play or intuitive merging with peers), but frozen or withdrawn or in a heightened state of survival, which appears as introversion or shyness. All of these effects can hinder learning and growth. While it's N-Typical to have social anxiety daily, there shouldn't also be guesswork and constant confusion. One shouldn't experience being constantly misunderstood and mis-communicating. 

Masking is about fitting in socially, so the staff might see him as polite, diligent and making a friend or two. He might not be able to express difficulty understanding others or catching social cues. There would be a teacher along the way who is in a direct established relationship and notices this either among peers or in how he responds to assignments. I might find this person :) 

Hi thanks for your comment. I personally don't mind using the term masking to refer to myself and to my children. I do feel i wear a mask, consciously and unconsciously, so it makes sense to me. I also see the same patterns in my children. 

My comment was mainly around strategies or suggestions to support my children within the school system. 

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I guess what I'm trying to convey is a New Strategy! Rather than use the word mask which makes sense to you, try using a phrase or an argument with terms which make sense to those you're encountering an on-going communication gap with. :) 

To be more precise, you're not getting results because from a NT standpoint, everyone masks. Everyone puts in some kind of labour to fit-in. So they might not feel one kid making a little more effort should be afforded an accommodation/ adjustment. 

Sadly, most of us have to make additional effort to recognise Typical use of words involve saying whatever sounds agreeable so to provide the other with a dislocated sense of resolution. Or I will prove I care about what you're saying by communicating this, and this should be enough to make you feel inclusion, which is usually the NT problem. 

To be more precise, you're not getting results because from a NT standpoint, everyone masks. Everyone puts in some kind of labour to fit-in. So they might not feel one kid making a little more effort should be afforded an accommodation/ adjustment. 

Sadly, most of us have to make additional effort to recognise Typical use of words involve saying whatever sounds agreeable so to provide the other with a dislocated sense of resolution. Or I will prove I care about what you're saying by communicating this, and this should be enough to make you feel inclusion, which is usually the NT problem.