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Lonely Daughter

ParentingAutism

My daughter has told me she feels really lonely because she has no friends, no one to talk to but the family. She works 3 hours a week currently and loves it but still then there is no socialisation, it's only her. Me and my husband work full time. Our son is in school still and our other daughter goes to college (7am-6pm including travel). So I totally understand why she feels really lonely. After school and weekends we try to get out of the house or do something as a family or 1:1 but it can be difficult. Currently, when she is not at work, she spends all of her time making a board game from her special interest. 

We have looked at her joining a social ground with other autistic people around her age who have the same or similar difficulties with friends but so far she isn't interested in any or they won't meet her needs. We are keeping an eye out but in the meantime I don't really know what to do. She and her sister have the closest bond ever and I think she misses her so much that recently she spends the day in her sister's room whilst she's away at college. 

If anyone has any ideas or advice on what to do, I am so grateful. I don't want her to feel lonely at all. 

  • I'm also pretty lonely. I recently started going to a new gym that offers a lot of classes and club sessions for tennis and the like. I haven't made any friends there yet, but there are a few people that I say hi to on a morning or whatever, and it has helped me a lot. It's also helped me get out of my comfort zone.

  • Im sorry to hear of your daughter's struggles.

    As others have flagged, loneliness is - unfortunately - a common problem for autistic people.

    You might find it helpful to read the advice in these articles:

    NAS - Loneliness - includes links to examples of some other autistic people's experiences of loneliness and how they cope:

    NAS - Making friends - supporting your autistic child

    Your daughter might also find the resources here helpful:

    NAS - Resources for autistic teenagers - Know yourself series

  • I’msorry your daughter is feeling lonely. I can relate to this a lot! I left school 2 years ago–I’m 18 now–and every day I feel lonely. I’ve got my family, which is great there all lovely and supportive-but I have no friends, no one my own age to chill with or talk to. I hated school, it was one big sensory nightmare but despite myself, I miss it, especially the girls from my class. I had no friends but being with them felt like I was part of the group, when I left the routine broke and that’s been hard to adjust from.

    Has your daughter tried any groups? Something she has an interest in could lead to making friends. I’d suggest a small group if any are local, bigger groups might be too stressful. Another thing worth considering is getting a dog or cat. They are great friends and company if your not allergic to fur. I used to have a dog and she was my best friend for a long time, miss her a lot. I could spend time with her and rarely felt alone. I hope your daughter finds something that helps her feel less lonely.

  • Hi, what about trying to find some friends through a shared love of boardgames? It could even be through online boardgame playing platforms (less pressure if online ). A group setting my be overwhelming- could this be the reason she isn’t keen on the social group for autistic individuals? I agree that it tends to be easier to socialise with other autistic or neurodivergent individuals(I’m autistic), but I would personally find a group setting too overwhelming- I prefer one to one socialising with people that I share an interest with. I am now lucky to have a small number of good friends (most of which I made at university through shared interests and most are actually also neurodivergent- i just had no clue when we met- it only emerged years later when I was diagnosed). We now all live in different cities and countries though, but I don’t mind as I’ve realised I find online socialising in the form of phone or video calls or playing board games together online (on boardgame arena) much more relaxing. Not sure if any of this helps, but my main advice would be to try to find friends through a shared interest. Also, I am convinced your daughter can and will eventually find a friend- i thought I was incapable of making friends and had none at school but when I met the right people it was surprisingly easy and somehow just happened- never thought it could happen with so little effort but it did and the friendships have lasted for years so far and I think they will last possibly forever. I think that’s the beauty of a lot of autistic friendships- i get the impression that they tend to be very long lasting.  Hope this helps. 

  • Would she be able to do a part time college course? Perhaps at the college her sister goes to?

    Does her sister have friends? If so, perhaps her sister could let her join them to go out somewhere, maybe to a movie or bowling?

  • How near to Scotland does she live? I can be a very good friend.