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Advice for my 7 year old son - please

Mummyto2

i Have thought my son is autistic since he was younger but listened to others who said he’s too clever To be autistic  I feel terrible for not doing sooner but I’m filling out a doctors form tomorrow to start it all off  

he is very clever but there’s lots of things that he does which make me think he is 

  • Biting finger when angry and growling - leaving mark on his finger
  • Lining up toys, chairs, anything in particular way
  • Building up toys but not actually playing with them
  • Flapping fingers by eyes, clicking and clapping, clicking fingers
  • Biting nails - so so so short!
  • High pitched noises - especially police siren noises. Singing lines from songs
  • Rarely drink anything unless we remind him to - doesn’t drink a lot at school but he drinks lots when home as we remind him to
  • Gets angry at our younger daughter (4 year old) when she wants to play but not the way he wants - he will growl/hiss at her.
  • Very keen interest in cars, trains and aeroplanes, number plates and numbers -  maths his fav subject
  • Won’t make a conversation with people -
  • Very anxious about new things, people, places - very upset stomach if stressed about something
  • Playing with toys the same every single time
  • Not liking certain foods as too soft - prefers crunchy food
  • Sleeping poorly  - taking ages to fall asleep and waking at 4ish ad not getting back to sleep

im actually just after some advice about how a diagnosis will change things and some advice on sleep!! don’t want him to get older and really struggle and wish I’d done it sooner. I already feel so bad I haven’t done it sooner so please no nasty comments. Also what do I say to doctor to make me not seem just a crazy woman. I have plenty of pictures and videos but feel they won’t take me seriously because he is clever?? 

  • Hi there. It's great that you're taking this step for your son—you're not late, and you're definitely not alone in this! Autism presents in so many different ways, and intelligence doesn’t rule it out. In fact, many autistic children are highly intelligent but still experience challenges in areas like sensory processing, emotional regulation, and social communication. 

    A diagnosis can be really helpful in understanding his needs, what he is good at, what he struggles with, and accessing support, whether that’s in school, at home, or through specific strategies tailored to him. It can also help explain why he finds certain things difficult and validate both his experiences and yours.

    When speaking to the doctor, just describe what you’ve noticed—exactly as you have here. You don’t need to prove anything, just share your observations: his sensory preferences, emotional responses, repetitive behaviours, and difficulties with change, sleep, and social interactions. You don’t need to have all the answers; your role as a parent is simply to highlight your concerns.

    For sleep, many autistic children have difficulty falling and staying asleep. A robust sleep assessment would be helpful in getting a good  understanding of his specific sleep issues and what would be specifically helpful to him. However, in general, things that might help include a very predictable bedtime routine, reducing screen time before bed, dim lights, a warm/cool bath before bedtime (depending on his personal preferences) , a warm drink before bedtime, weighted blankets/heavy duvet (if he finds deep pressure calming), and looking at whether he might need extra support with things like melatonin (which a doctor could advise on). 

    You're doing the right thing by seeking advice, and there’s no need to feel bad—you’re advocating for your son now, and that’s what matters! 

  • Any clinician who thinks that autism and high intelligence cannot co-exist should be ashamed of their ignorance. The diagnostic manuals for autism do not mention intelligence at all, it is not a defining feature of autism. I am autistic and have a PhD in molecular biology, my daughter, also autistic (we are both clinically diagnosed), has a first class degree in chemistry. If any clinician raises intelligence in relation to autism, just shut them down by referencing that neither the DSM-5 nor the ICD-11 diagnostic manuals mention intelligence as a criterion in diagnosing autism. 

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    Thanks for your reply! Everyone always says that me and my son are so similar. I think if I was back at school 20 yrs ago I’d have been diagnosed now. I wish my mum had cared and got it sorted. Had a hard time at school and don’t want the same to happen to him 

  • You are such a great observing and caring parent, intelligence is not a criteria for having or not having autism. What you listed I think indicates autistic traits and it’s good to have your son tested and get him help. What you described is also relatable to me personally when I was a kid, but my mom didn’t care so she didn’t look for help for me. Another thing is that I was a kid 30 years ago so the knowledge about autism then was also very much different. 

  • Hello there, you sound like a great parent who’s concerned for their child’s wellbeing. The first thing to do is yeah seek professional help like going to your doctors to get the ball rolling. From my personal experience of having a child with ADHD/Austim/PDA  and another with austim and an eating disorder you are a true hero and coping with much more than most are so please take a moment to give yourself a hug sometimes too, it really isn’t easy. At home I make conscious choices to try avoid any meltdowns for frustration that may occur, it’s a learning game that’s for sure and people are people so emotions will always arrive autistic or not. Autistic people are very gifted in particular ways, it’s just society has different expectations but who said they were right anyway? As soon as you get the ball rolling I’m sure your concern will start to lessen!