bullying and our childrens inflexibility of thoughts or situations

Hello all,

This is just a reminder or warning of how our childrens way of thinking (often not flexible and very naive) can get them into trouble.  It was another eye opener for me!

My son (age 7) had a couple of friends over yesterday, He only has a handful of friends as he is now homeschooled.   He is a very clever boy with ASD (Aspergers).

They were happily playing in the garden with me not letting them out of my sight which bothered them no end, but i know my son can ignore dangers if excited and he can be naive and very eager to please (sound familier)!  Still they seemed to be having a great time building a den etc.

My son was even  very upset when the boys left,  but then half an hour later we were talking about games they had been playing when my son asked about poisonous plants in the garden?!  I told him we had a few as he well knew, or so i thought as we always mention dangerous plants when out and about, my husband works in conservation and we live in the country and spend alot of time outdoors.  My son loves wildlife.

Anyway to cut the story short he then burst into tears saying he had been forced to eat plants from the garden as part of a game by the other two boys, he refused but was then bullied into it he was pushed etc until he gave in.  He did not think of just getting me who would have been in the front part of the garden taking my eyes off of them for a moment!   He told me he had eaten Rhubarb leaves, which i knew were poisonous and geraniums, grass etc.  It was a collection of different leaves chopped up!!

  He started to panic and i mean really panic, saying he did not want to die, (i do not think he really understood the consequences of a poisonous plant i.e possible death!) whilst i checked on the internet for information and phoned our Doctors as he was now feeling sick and having difficulty breathing!  It seemed he ate about a teaspoon sized amount but i was so worried as we have foxgloves and other deadly plants in the garden.

The doctor reassured us after checking her books he did not seem to have eaten enough to do real harm maybe a sore stomach.  I think he was  also having a  panic attack at the thought of what he had done.

I checked his heartrate frequently afterwards and watched for any other symptoms but thankfully this morning all seems fine.  I think the majority of the symptoms were him panicking.

But my main reason for typing this is as a reminder that even our High functioning kids can be caught out by their inflexibility of thought.  I would never have dreamed my son would be so silly as to do something like that. On talking to him afterwards i asked was he not aware of the dangers, he said we had told him of poisonous plants before but he did not realise we had them in our garden!  I possibly had not been specific enough in my previous warnings.  He did not think to get me?! He is easily persuaded and keen to please so a bullies dream target, even with me watching them! He proudly told me afterwards he did have clean hands before eating the leaves though!!  

He still wants the boys over again!! and still regards them as friends?! ( i am not sure what i will do regards that yet) I wish i could wrap him in cottonwool and protect him from all the stupid children out there but i cannot.  I will however ensure i try and emphasise all warnings to every scenario making dangers as clear as possible because i just know if someone is going to get hurt it would be our gullable, lovely sensitive children trying to make and keep friends.

We have to look out for them.

A very relieved cannot stop cuddling him this morning,

Puffin

Parents
  • Hi Azalea,

    Your sisters experience sounds just like something my son would do and say, he just cannot seem to see when others are being bad.

    Its strange because when we watch televeision together i often use that as a tool and ask " is that a good thing to do" or " is that person being good or bad" etc to try and help teach him wrong and right in certain situations and i point out feelings expressed on the TV, he seems to get it then, but struggles in real life scenarios?  too much going on at a time maybe, that with his wanting friends so badly.

    When the Dr was chastising my son for doing what he did she said "never eat anything from the garden flowers or berries if you are not sure what they are", he replied "no i would never eat berries before thay were washed!" again he just misses the point and he is clever and is so cautious usually but not yesterday!

    It is quite scary, not sure i will ever stop worrying about him, its hard letting him be independant when ever fibre in me is shouting "keep him close" !

    He now has a Hamster as well as the two gerbils Azalea, He names his hamster Polar bear as he is white, he is a lovely little thing really cute and friendly, really tempting to just surround  by son with animal friends that bring him so much joy and affection. 

    Hope all is well with you :)

    Puffin

Reply
  • Hi Azalea,

    Your sisters experience sounds just like something my son would do and say, he just cannot seem to see when others are being bad.

    Its strange because when we watch televeision together i often use that as a tool and ask " is that a good thing to do" or " is that person being good or bad" etc to try and help teach him wrong and right in certain situations and i point out feelings expressed on the TV, he seems to get it then, but struggles in real life scenarios?  too much going on at a time maybe, that with his wanting friends so badly.

    When the Dr was chastising my son for doing what he did she said "never eat anything from the garden flowers or berries if you are not sure what they are", he replied "no i would never eat berries before thay were washed!" again he just misses the point and he is clever and is so cautious usually but not yesterday!

    It is quite scary, not sure i will ever stop worrying about him, its hard letting him be independant when ever fibre in me is shouting "keep him close" !

    He now has a Hamster as well as the two gerbils Azalea, He names his hamster Polar bear as he is white, he is a lovely little thing really cute and friendly, really tempting to just surround  by son with animal friends that bring him so much joy and affection. 

    Hope all is well with you :)

    Puffin

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