bullying and our childrens inflexibility of thoughts or situations

Hello all,

This is just a reminder or warning of how our childrens way of thinking (often not flexible and very naive) can get them into trouble.  It was another eye opener for me!

My son (age 7) had a couple of friends over yesterday, He only has a handful of friends as he is now homeschooled.   He is a very clever boy with ASD (Aspergers).

They were happily playing in the garden with me not letting them out of my sight which bothered them no end, but i know my son can ignore dangers if excited and he can be naive and very eager to please (sound familier)!  Still they seemed to be having a great time building a den etc.

My son was even  very upset when the boys left,  but then half an hour later we were talking about games they had been playing when my son asked about poisonous plants in the garden?!  I told him we had a few as he well knew, or so i thought as we always mention dangerous plants when out and about, my husband works in conservation and we live in the country and spend alot of time outdoors.  My son loves wildlife.

Anyway to cut the story short he then burst into tears saying he had been forced to eat plants from the garden as part of a game by the other two boys, he refused but was then bullied into it he was pushed etc until he gave in.  He did not think of just getting me who would have been in the front part of the garden taking my eyes off of them for a moment!   He told me he had eaten Rhubarb leaves, which i knew were poisonous and geraniums, grass etc.  It was a collection of different leaves chopped up!!

  He started to panic and i mean really panic, saying he did not want to die, (i do not think he really understood the consequences of a poisonous plant i.e possible death!) whilst i checked on the internet for information and phoned our Doctors as he was now feeling sick and having difficulty breathing!  It seemed he ate about a teaspoon sized amount but i was so worried as we have foxgloves and other deadly plants in the garden.

The doctor reassured us after checking her books he did not seem to have eaten enough to do real harm maybe a sore stomach.  I think he was  also having a  panic attack at the thought of what he had done.

I checked his heartrate frequently afterwards and watched for any other symptoms but thankfully this morning all seems fine.  I think the majority of the symptoms were him panicking.

But my main reason for typing this is as a reminder that even our High functioning kids can be caught out by their inflexibility of thought.  I would never have dreamed my son would be so silly as to do something like that. On talking to him afterwards i asked was he not aware of the dangers, he said we had told him of poisonous plants before but he did not realise we had them in our garden!  I possibly had not been specific enough in my previous warnings.  He did not think to get me?! He is easily persuaded and keen to please so a bullies dream target, even with me watching them! He proudly told me afterwards he did have clean hands before eating the leaves though!!  

He still wants the boys over again!! and still regards them as friends?! ( i am not sure what i will do regards that yet) I wish i could wrap him in cottonwool and protect him from all the stupid children out there but i cannot.  I will however ensure i try and emphasise all warnings to every scenario making dangers as clear as possible because i just know if someone is going to get hurt it would be our gullable, lovely sensitive children trying to make and keep friends.

We have to look out for them.

A very relieved cannot stop cuddling him this morning,

Puffin

Parents
  • Thank you for your comments Crazy darkside.  Well done your son for saying no, that is a great sign.  i hope my son starts to realise he can say no or walk away, until then he is vulnerable.

    He even does martial arts with our encouragement and is almost a brown belt, but recently when at a birthday party ( a rare event, i accompany him  for moral support)  I saw a child pour water over my sons lap obviously on purpose, (the same child used to bully him at school before we took him out).  I know its probably wrong of me but i actually pulled my son to one side and told him "if that boy does it again hit him"!  But my son said "no" as when he practices on his dad it hurts his Dad and he did not want to hurt this boy as he would get in trouble!  I assured him not by me, but he would still not defend himself!

    I will continue to try and help him see the good and the bad and pick him up when he falls, it just breaks my heart to see him bullied when he is such a good person.

    Thank you and good luck.

    Puffin

Reply
  • Thank you for your comments Crazy darkside.  Well done your son for saying no, that is a great sign.  i hope my son starts to realise he can say no or walk away, until then he is vulnerable.

    He even does martial arts with our encouragement and is almost a brown belt, but recently when at a birthday party ( a rare event, i accompany him  for moral support)  I saw a child pour water over my sons lap obviously on purpose, (the same child used to bully him at school before we took him out).  I know its probably wrong of me but i actually pulled my son to one side and told him "if that boy does it again hit him"!  But my son said "no" as when he practices on his dad it hurts his Dad and he did not want to hurt this boy as he would get in trouble!  I assured him not by me, but he would still not defend himself!

    I will continue to try and help him see the good and the bad and pick him up when he falls, it just breaks my heart to see him bullied when he is such a good person.

    Thank you and good luck.

    Puffin

Children
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