bullying and our childrens inflexibility of thoughts or situations

Hello all,

This is just a reminder or warning of how our childrens way of thinking (often not flexible and very naive) can get them into trouble.  It was another eye opener for me!

My son (age 7) had a couple of friends over yesterday, He only has a handful of friends as he is now homeschooled.   He is a very clever boy with ASD (Aspergers).

They were happily playing in the garden with me not letting them out of my sight which bothered them no end, but i know my son can ignore dangers if excited and he can be naive and very eager to please (sound familier)!  Still they seemed to be having a great time building a den etc.

My son was even  very upset when the boys left,  but then half an hour later we were talking about games they had been playing when my son asked about poisonous plants in the garden?!  I told him we had a few as he well knew, or so i thought as we always mention dangerous plants when out and about, my husband works in conservation and we live in the country and spend alot of time outdoors.  My son loves wildlife.

Anyway to cut the story short he then burst into tears saying he had been forced to eat plants from the garden as part of a game by the other two boys, he refused but was then bullied into it he was pushed etc until he gave in.  He did not think of just getting me who would have been in the front part of the garden taking my eyes off of them for a moment!   He told me he had eaten Rhubarb leaves, which i knew were poisonous and geraniums, grass etc.  It was a collection of different leaves chopped up!!

  He started to panic and i mean really panic, saying he did not want to die, (i do not think he really understood the consequences of a poisonous plant i.e possible death!) whilst i checked on the internet for information and phoned our Doctors as he was now feeling sick and having difficulty breathing!  It seemed he ate about a teaspoon sized amount but i was so worried as we have foxgloves and other deadly plants in the garden.

The doctor reassured us after checking her books he did not seem to have eaten enough to do real harm maybe a sore stomach.  I think he was  also having a  panic attack at the thought of what he had done.

I checked his heartrate frequently afterwards and watched for any other symptoms but thankfully this morning all seems fine.  I think the majority of the symptoms were him panicking.

But my main reason for typing this is as a reminder that even our High functioning kids can be caught out by their inflexibility of thought.  I would never have dreamed my son would be so silly as to do something like that. On talking to him afterwards i asked was he not aware of the dangers, he said we had told him of poisonous plants before but he did not realise we had them in our garden!  I possibly had not been specific enough in my previous warnings.  He did not think to get me?! He is easily persuaded and keen to please so a bullies dream target, even with me watching them! He proudly told me afterwards he did have clean hands before eating the leaves though!!  

He still wants the boys over again!! and still regards them as friends?! ( i am not sure what i will do regards that yet) I wish i could wrap him in cottonwool and protect him from all the stupid children out there but i cannot.  I will however ensure i try and emphasise all warnings to every scenario making dangers as clear as possible because i just know if someone is going to get hurt it would be our gullable, lovely sensitive children trying to make and keep friends.

We have to look out for them.

A very relieved cannot stop cuddling him this morning,

Puffin

Parents
  • Hi puffin,

    My son has Aspegers, and is 12, he is doing four half days at school at the moment for various reasons and I totally understand whhere you are coming from.  I know with my young man at the end of last year there was a horrible incident at school, where he got involved in a dare club, there was himsel, one other boy and 2 girls, and they basically played a game of you  touch my privates, etc etc.  My young man said much later after he had done some serious self harmthat he was pushed in to it, he knew it was wrong, and he wanted to help the girls, but he froze.  Now bear in mind the school knew the ring leader was forceful and that my son was very vulnerable, and they did nothing, they didn't even tell the parents of the children involved.

    I am lucky that he changed schools at the end of the year, and is now at a mainstream high school, with a specialist support unit for children with ASD.  The knock on effects for him from this event have been massive, he treid to commit suicide, and has ended up needing antidepressents.  When I approached his primary school to explain all of this, they said, that my boy was just naughty, he didn't have ASD and maybe I should learn to control him better!!

    I am so tempted to wrap my son in cottonwool, it was the hardest thing in the world letting him go to the same high school as children he has had problems with in the past, and he does have problems, BUT he is getting better at choosing his friends, and standing up for himself.  He was being laughed at by one of the boys involved, and being pressured to join in with writitng on the school toilet walls, and he was able to say no, and went to the support unit.  I was so proud of him!!!!

    Your son will learn from his experience, and you just need to gently remind him that it is ok to say no, and that they will like and respect him more for him being strong.  Offer lots and lots of reassurance, and just catch him when he falls

Reply
  • Hi puffin,

    My son has Aspegers, and is 12, he is doing four half days at school at the moment for various reasons and I totally understand whhere you are coming from.  I know with my young man at the end of last year there was a horrible incident at school, where he got involved in a dare club, there was himsel, one other boy and 2 girls, and they basically played a game of you  touch my privates, etc etc.  My young man said much later after he had done some serious self harmthat he was pushed in to it, he knew it was wrong, and he wanted to help the girls, but he froze.  Now bear in mind the school knew the ring leader was forceful and that my son was very vulnerable, and they did nothing, they didn't even tell the parents of the children involved.

    I am lucky that he changed schools at the end of the year, and is now at a mainstream high school, with a specialist support unit for children with ASD.  The knock on effects for him from this event have been massive, he treid to commit suicide, and has ended up needing antidepressents.  When I approached his primary school to explain all of this, they said, that my boy was just naughty, he didn't have ASD and maybe I should learn to control him better!!

    I am so tempted to wrap my son in cottonwool, it was the hardest thing in the world letting him go to the same high school as children he has had problems with in the past, and he does have problems, BUT he is getting better at choosing his friends, and standing up for himself.  He was being laughed at by one of the boys involved, and being pressured to join in with writitng on the school toilet walls, and he was able to say no, and went to the support unit.  I was so proud of him!!!!

    Your son will learn from his experience, and you just need to gently remind him that it is ok to say no, and that they will like and respect him more for him being strong.  Offer lots and lots of reassurance, and just catch him when he falls

Children
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