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Advice for parents of suicidal 19yo

IlkleyCaroline

It's the first time I've posted on here so apologies if I make a mistake. Our late diagnosed child has had 8 therapists over 12 years (several before diagnosis because of her unhappiness) and at present has had over a year on different antidepressants and weekly counselling. 

None of it has helped, they are increasingly distressed,  has had suicidal thoughts for years and I think we're running out of time to find something or someone to help. Their depression and self-hatred is all encompassing.

CAMHS didn't help so we ended up finding a private psychiatrist and private counselling. We feel very alone and scared. 

Has anyone any advice/ professionals we could contact who have helped you or any knowledge about transcranial magnetic stimulation? 

They will refuse going to a GP or the hospital 

Thankyou 

  • in reply to Karin Mod

    OK, thankyou for all this and for responding. We have spent time looking through resources from mind, NAS and our child has previously been in touch with helplines but just don't find it helpful with ongoing issues. We've been forced to go to A&E twice and both times made it worse without any more support offered.

  • in reply to Pixiefox

    Hello Pixiefox

    Thankyou for taking the time to respond. I'll show all your suggestions to them. Ots just shard when it's been getting worse and worse for 12 years and there seems to be no glimmer of improvement. 

    IlkleyCaroline

  • in reply to IlkleyCaroline

    Hello  

    I'm sorry to hear that your child is struggling.You may find it useful to visit our autism services directory to identify support for their depression that's near to you: https://www.autism.org.uk/autism-services-directory

    I hope this helps,

    ChloeMod

  • Hi and welcome, and I'm sorry to hear about this.

    It's difficult to advise without knowing more, and I'm just a woman on the spectrum with some personal experience of depression and knowing others who have suffered badly with it. So don't take anything I say as medical advice. But I would like to try to help.

    There can be many reasons for depression and self hatred, including struggling with studies or the environment at school or college, having difficulties at work, not being able to find a job, losing a job, being bullied, losing a friend, not having friends, suffering a bereavement, or breaking up with a partner. 

    In my case, although talking with someone I trust can provide some release from utter despair short term, in the long term it can make it worse going over and over things as our memories tend to be stronger and our minds less able to let go of traumatic events.

    I have found that I sometimes need to make a change to my life to help me feel better. Here are some examples of things that someone could do to eliminate or reduce the stresses and overwhelm caused by things in their life:

    Leave their college or university course, or their job

    Move home

    Stop having contact with people who are causing negative feelings

    Stop using social media

    I've done all of these during my lifetime (I'm in my sixties and retired now) After a period of rest to recover, it's good to then plan some positive changes (although it can be done beforehand if preferred). Some examples of changes that could be positive are:

    Starting a new course of study using distance learning (to keep the mind active but not overloaded)

    Setting up a schedule of enjoyable things to do, to give them things to look forward to

    Getting out of the house at regular times to go for a walk in a place where they can enjoy nature

    Making a list of their skills and abilities and planning a career path

    Joining this forum and getting support - and hopefully feeling less alone.

    I hope things improve soon.

  • in reply to Karin Mod

    We're really looking for help with their depression - another expert or experience from someone who's been through this and what eventually helped, not emergency support for their suicidal thoughts, we and they have looked at all these resources without finding anything help.

    Thankyou 

  • Hello IIkleyCaroline,

    I’m sorry your child is going through such a tough time. It’s good that you’ve let us know how she feels. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope that you can help your child. 

    I see that you say your child doesn't want to talk to a GP, but have you tried reaching the NHS 111 service: 

    https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/ 

    The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org. 

    MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.  

    If you your child is very close to doing something to hurt herself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support her and make sure she gets ongoing support. 

    You can find more information here: 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/suicide 

    Wishing you all the best,

    Karin Mod