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Appropriate play

blinkgirl

My child is desperate for friends. At school she plays with children ok most of the time. Once she becomes ‘friends’ with these children she then is unsure of how to act. SHe often will take a game to far and end up hurting them which then leads to them not wanting to play anymore. She can be overly friendly and wants to touch them be it hugging, hitting, hurting but not intentionally to hurt them. It is sad to see her not able to have friends out of school and she keeps getting in trouble for being too hands on. 
What is out there to help with these skills please 

  • Good morning blinkgirl,

    Thank you for your post. I wonder whether our advice page on "making friends" would be helpful to read and possibly discuss with your child's teacher and or school. There are some useful activities and links for further advice. 

    Please find the kink here:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/family-life-and-relationships/making-friends/parents-and-carers

    I hope you find it useful.

    With best wishes,

    Anna Mod 

  • I found acting and theatre lessons incredibly helpful. Also being part of dance/yoga/martial arts - some kind of movement collective which I could learn a physical art from individually and together - not competitive team sport though, because the rules are nebulous and others depend on your knowing them.

    I might suggest finding another mum with a dyslexic or ADHD'r and inviting them into your life while allowing the kids to connect in their clever ways. 

    Social Rules always change, morph and evolve. And Autistics have a different way of communicating, so we never really catch up with our peers in the moment. But we can learn the art of Ethics and Aesthetics, Kantian style. We can also learn more fundamental principles of how others engage and what is expected. We can learn to respect others beyond what we understand and create healthy boundaries. At the end of the day, kindness, respectfulness and being true to ourselves matter the most. 

    My closest friends are also dyslexic, ADHD and more introverted Typical individuals. It's OK to slowly grow a friendship, real ones take years of growth, being dependable for and earning trust. Humans are messy. Autistic-being is different than the Typical socialised being for this very reason - and there is much lost in translation. But also, we can find solitude much more relaxing. 

    I might start by relieving her of the pressure to have friends. We tend to think we have to have them, but society is dense. Having a handful of people we trust at all kinds of ages is really how we find 'strength in numbers'.