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Advice needed please.

Bigsis

Hi, I'm in desperate need of ideas/ advice, please.

My brother is 24 & his mum is currently in really poorly in hospital, unfortunately not looking to come out this side of christmas. She's on dialysis when she's well enough to have it, three times a week.

I am currently staying with my brother to make sure he has everything he needs & he's not alone. I live 4 hours away & am currently working remotely. Thankfully I have an understanding boss but I have been here for a few weeks & need to go back to work. 

The issue is that my brother rarely leaves the house. He occasionally visits his mum in hospital & he puts the bins out when it's dark, that's it. The rest of the time he is in his room gaming. He can talk but chooses not to. He doesn't get showered without being told to & doesn't understand how much food he needs to last for the week. He also doesn't care for his dog properly either & doesn't understand money or bills.

I tried to get him to come home with me at the beginning of the month but he sat in his chair & sobbed, refusing to move. Short of physically picking him up, there was nothing I could do.

I can't leave him here alone because he doesn't respond to texts or answer the phone. His mum thinks he should stay at my house until she's out of hospital but I don't know how to persuade him. I'm terrified his mum might not come out at all & he'll be removed from the house.

Does anyone have any advice, please? He doesn't have a social worker. Any assistance he's ever had has been withdrawn because he wouldn't communicate. I don't know what to do or where to turn. We were filling in the forms for power of attorney when my stepmum was took into hospital, so we haven't even got that yet. Please help.

Parents

  • It's me again!

    How do I explain to my brother, in the best way possible, that his mum won't be coming out of hospital? If we are very lucky, she has mere weeks left! That's being optimistic. 

    I'm devastated to be asking this but in my heart, I know it's the right thing to do & keep him informed.Thank you xx

  • in reply to Bigsis

    You’re right to feel that he should be informed, it’s good you’re planning ahead, he’s lucky to have you. 


    It’s hard to say without knowing him, but typically it’s the ‘unknown’ that can really add to stress. So wherever you can, and without any grey areas or ambiguity, support him to know what will happen next; such as she won’t come home, she will pass away, there will be a funeral, where he’ll live, etc. 

    Im sorry if that came across as cold, it’s just that uncertainties can really add to the pain - if his mum is able to inform you how best he takes in information, or anyone else that knows him well (ex-college?) then that’d  really help hopefully. Written info can help, after a chat, as it may help understanding. And if he’s given choices, or suggestions then time to process and answer could be helpful. 

    Best wishes to you all. 

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  • in reply to Bigsis

    You’re right to feel that he should be informed, it’s good you’re planning ahead, he’s lucky to have you. 


    It’s hard to say without knowing him, but typically it’s the ‘unknown’ that can really add to stress. So wherever you can, and without any grey areas or ambiguity, support him to know what will happen next; such as she won’t come home, she will pass away, there will be a funeral, where he’ll live, etc. 

    Im sorry if that came across as cold, it’s just that uncertainties can really add to the pain - if his mum is able to inform you how best he takes in information, or anyone else that knows him well (ex-college?) then that’d  really help hopefully. Written info can help, after a chat, as it may help understanding. And if he’s given choices, or suggestions then time to process and answer could be helpful. 

    Best wishes to you all. 

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