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Advice needed please.

Bigsis

Hi, I'm in desperate need of ideas/ advice, please.

My brother is 24 & his mum is currently in really poorly in hospital, unfortunately not looking to come out this side of christmas. She's on dialysis when she's well enough to have it, three times a week.

I am currently staying with my brother to make sure he has everything he needs & he's not alone. I live 4 hours away & am currently working remotely. Thankfully I have an understanding boss but I have been here for a few weeks & need to go back to work. 

The issue is that my brother rarely leaves the house. He occasionally visits his mum in hospital & he puts the bins out when it's dark, that's it. The rest of the time he is in his room gaming. He can talk but chooses not to. He doesn't get showered without being told to & doesn't understand how much food he needs to last for the week. He also doesn't care for his dog properly either & doesn't understand money or bills.

I tried to get him to come home with me at the beginning of the month but he sat in his chair & sobbed, refusing to move. Short of physically picking him up, there was nothing I could do.

I can't leave him here alone because he doesn't respond to texts or answer the phone. His mum thinks he should stay at my house until she's out of hospital but I don't know how to persuade him. I'm terrified his mum might not come out at all & he'll be removed from the house.

Does anyone have any advice, please? He doesn't have a social worker. Any assistance he's ever had has been withdrawn because he wouldn't communicate. I don't know what to do or where to turn. We were filling in the forms for power of attorney when my stepmum was took into hospital, so we haven't even got that yet. Please help.

Parents

  • It's me again!

    How do I explain to my brother, in the best way possible, that his mum won't be coming out of hospital? If we are very lucky, she has mere weeks left! That's being optimistic. 

    I'm devastated to be asking this but in my heart, I know it's the right thing to do & keep him informed.Thank you xx

  • in reply to Bigsis

    I don't know the best way to do this, but as you say its the right thing to do as he would be devastated if he found out later that you hadn't told him what was happening.

    It must be very difficult for you, and I'm sorry you have to do it, but maybe you could open the conversation by asking him what he understands about his mother's illness, and then gently explain that it is very serious and she will not be going home. But now he is with you, you can reassure him that you will support him.

    Is she able to talk? If so, maybe you could set up a video call so your brother can speak to her, if that's what he wants. But he might not. Sometimes autistic people can seem distant and have trouble coping at times like this but it's not because they don't care - it's because they become overwhelmed and have trouble processing their emotions.

    I hope it goes ok with your brother, and I am sorry to hear about your mother and hope you take care of yourself too.

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  • in reply to Bigsis

    I don't know the best way to do this, but as you say its the right thing to do as he would be devastated if he found out later that you hadn't told him what was happening.

    It must be very difficult for you, and I'm sorry you have to do it, but maybe you could open the conversation by asking him what he understands about his mother's illness, and then gently explain that it is very serious and she will not be going home. But now he is with you, you can reassure him that you will support him.

    Is she able to talk? If so, maybe you could set up a video call so your brother can speak to her, if that's what he wants. But he might not. Sometimes autistic people can seem distant and have trouble coping at times like this but it's not because they don't care - it's because they become overwhelmed and have trouble processing their emotions.

    I hope it goes ok with your brother, and I am sorry to hear about your mother and hope you take care of yourself too.

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