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Advice needed please.

Bigsis

Hi, I'm in desperate need of ideas/ advice, please.

My brother is 24 & his mum is currently in really poorly in hospital, unfortunately not looking to come out this side of christmas. She's on dialysis when she's well enough to have it, three times a week.

I am currently staying with my brother to make sure he has everything he needs & he's not alone. I live 4 hours away & am currently working remotely. Thankfully I have an understanding boss but I have been here for a few weeks & need to go back to work. 

The issue is that my brother rarely leaves the house. He occasionally visits his mum in hospital & he puts the bins out when it's dark, that's it. The rest of the time he is in his room gaming. He can talk but chooses not to. He doesn't get showered without being told to & doesn't understand how much food he needs to last for the week. He also doesn't care for his dog properly either & doesn't understand money or bills.

I tried to get him to come home with me at the beginning of the month but he sat in his chair & sobbed, refusing to move. Short of physically picking him up, there was nothing I could do.

I can't leave him here alone because he doesn't respond to texts or answer the phone. His mum thinks he should stay at my house until she's out of hospital but I don't know how to persuade him. I'm terrified his mum might not come out at all & he'll be removed from the house.

Does anyone have any advice, please? He doesn't have a social worker. Any assistance he's ever had has been withdrawn because he wouldn't communicate. I don't know what to do or where to turn. We were filling in the forms for power of attorney when my stepmum was took into hospital, so we haven't even got that yet. Please help.

Parents

  • To be honest he should probably be assesed for adult social care and pip. in combination they are designed to pay for in home care for people who are nearly indipendant but can't quite mange certain day to day tasks without help.

    I get it. Leaving his house would be like giving up on his mum and on his old stable life all at once. Leaving all his roots behind and loosing his parents in one go. It's too much for a soul to bear. You've got to let him have time to greave. Even if it leaves him a bit smelly and skinny. He certainly wouln't be the first greaving man loosing weight and with bad hygeen. Letting yourself go is quite common in those situations.

    Also with regards to the house I don't know the situation but if things get legal would be good to have a lawyer or at least an advocate of some sort on his side.

Reply

  • To be honest he should probably be assesed for adult social care and pip. in combination they are designed to pay for in home care for people who are nearly indipendant but can't quite mange certain day to day tasks without help.

    I get it. Leaving his house would be like giving up on his mum and on his old stable life all at once. Leaving all his roots behind and loosing his parents in one go. It's too much for a soul to bear. You've got to let him have time to greave. Even if it leaves him a bit smelly and skinny. He certainly wouln't be the first greaving man loosing weight and with bad hygeen. Letting yourself go is quite common in those situations.

    Also with regards to the house I don't know the situation but if things get legal would be good to have a lawyer or at least an advocate of some sort on his side.

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