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Advice needed please.

Bigsis

Hi, I'm in desperate need of ideas/ advice, please.

My brother is 24 & his mum is currently in really poorly in hospital, unfortunately not looking to come out this side of christmas. She's on dialysis when she's well enough to have it, three times a week.

I am currently staying with my brother to make sure he has everything he needs & he's not alone. I live 4 hours away & am currently working remotely. Thankfully I have an understanding boss but I have been here for a few weeks & need to go back to work. 

The issue is that my brother rarely leaves the house. He occasionally visits his mum in hospital & he puts the bins out when it's dark, that's it. The rest of the time he is in his room gaming. He can talk but chooses not to. He doesn't get showered without being told to & doesn't understand how much food he needs to last for the week. He also doesn't care for his dog properly either & doesn't understand money or bills.

I tried to get him to come home with me at the beginning of the month but he sat in his chair & sobbed, refusing to move. Short of physically picking him up, there was nothing I could do.

I can't leave him here alone because he doesn't respond to texts or answer the phone. His mum thinks he should stay at my house until she's out of hospital but I don't know how to persuade him. I'm terrified his mum might not come out at all & he'll be removed from the house.

Does anyone have any advice, please? He doesn't have a social worker. Any assistance he's ever had has been withdrawn because he wouldn't communicate. I don't know what to do or where to turn. We were filling in the forms for power of attorney when my stepmum was took into hospital, so we haven't even got that yet. Please help.

Parents

  • I don't really have any advice to give but I just wanted to acknowledge your post.

    I wasn't in a dissimilar situation with my mother but the big difference was that I lived only a 20 minute drive away.

    She wouldn't sign a power of attorney and no services would engage with me without one including her GP who wouldn't talk to me about my concerns.

    I was only able to get assistance when crises (medical emergencies) occurred.

    I ended up not coping myself because for the majority of this time I was working and had to take time of sick.

    However, I had to still support my mother because no-one else was.

    She had lost most of her sight, had dementia, other mental health problems and was a hoarder.

    I'm so sorry that you are going through this and I hope that you find a resolution.

    Take care.

Reply

  • I don't really have any advice to give but I just wanted to acknowledge your post.

    I wasn't in a dissimilar situation with my mother but the big difference was that I lived only a 20 minute drive away.

    She wouldn't sign a power of attorney and no services would engage with me without one including her GP who wouldn't talk to me about my concerns.

    I was only able to get assistance when crises (medical emergencies) occurred.

    I ended up not coping myself because for the majority of this time I was working and had to take time of sick.

    However, I had to still support my mother because no-one else was.

    She had lost most of her sight, had dementia, other mental health problems and was a hoarder.

    I'm so sorry that you are going through this and I hope that you find a resolution.

    Take care.

Children
  • in reply to Deleted User

    Thank you so much for responding.

    Bless you, it's so hard isn't it. You just hit a wall every time. 

    My stepmum was in hospital from October last year to May but a family friend was staying here until he met someone, than he was leaving my brother alone for days on end without us knowing. 

    I asked my brother last week, if he had enough insulin needles, he said yes but it didn't look like it to me so I've ordered them anyway. This morning, I've looked & he only has 3 so I've had to order them from Amazon as his prescription hasn't been sent. These little things are important & the reason I need to be with him.

    My poor hubby feels like he's lost his wife too lol. Seriously though, he knows it has to be done. I just need my brother to understand & be willing to come to mine for a little holiday until his mum is back home.