Published on 12, July, 2020
My daughter, Chloe, 18, struggles to wait for long periods of time especially when she doesn't know for how long.
This comes into play mainly when she, her sister, and her sister's 2 friends are going out. Her friends and sister are very good understanding her needs, also because on of the friends is autistic too. Unfortunately there are a lot of times where they spontaneously plan to go out but need to wait for one or more people to get home first because they have plans before hands.
Chloe really struggles to wait when she doesn't know how long she needs to wait. She now has meltdowns because of it. She doesn't know what to do when she waits because she doesn't know how long she will be waiting for therefore doesn't know if she has time to watch an episode of something, have dinner or lunch, shower, etc.
What can I do to help her with waiting?
Thanks,
Lucy
Well, you can try to keep her occupied, but that's not much of a fix as she's likely still going to be stressed about the waiting. It's something that needs understanding, more than anything. Waiting for most people, I think, is a passive thing. Be generally ready and let the time pass. For me, and I'm assuming other autistic people, waiting is an active thing. A part of your concentration is locked onto whatever you're waiting for and there's really no switching that off.
Imagine if, when you have to wait for something, that every so often that thing you're waiting for transforms into something more urgent. First you're headed to the store. Then you're headed to the store right before it closes. Then it's a doctor appointment you're about to miss. Before you know it, you feel like you're waiting in the emergency room while surgeons operate on a loved one. It's the stress building cortisol in your system. That's what leads to the meltdowns.
Keeping her busy can help, but knowing what it's like for her at these times will probably help you more in the future than any specific thing you could do.