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Son really struggling at university - social anxiety

Toadstool

Hi,

I'm new to this forum - I hope its ok to post. My son has been referred for an autism assessment by the GP but he hasn't actually been diagnosed. He went away to uni last weekend, staying in halls - he knew he was going to find it difficult but he really wanted to try. He's been to all his course induction activities and said he's looking forward to starting the course properly next week.

But it is the living arrangements he's struggling with. He's self catering, sharing a kitchen with four others. He's not dared leave his room to speak to them, he's been going into the kitchen at 6am to make himself some food when nobody is around, and then staying in his room when he's not at course induction activities. His flatmates have put notes under his door asking if he's ok and if he wants to join the whatsapp chat. It took him hours to work up the courage to actually read the notes, and he doesn't want to join the group chat. I've suggested he tries writing a note for his flatmates, which he might try but he's not sure. He's coming home this weekend (already planned) so he'll have a break then. But we're not sure whether the best thing would be to try to see if he can move into a self-contained studio flat, so he can have his own kitchen and not have to see anyone, or whether this won't help him and isolate him further. We could reach out to the university residential experience people but I know he won't accept help, and wouldn't feel able to go and approach them for a meeting or anything.

He hasn't spoken to anyone on his course yet, but he's fine with that and we know it'll just take time and he may or may not make a friend or two.

Parents

  • I suffered from anxiety during the first few weeks of university, I lived in a large traditional hall of residence - 160 students, but most meals were catered. I found solace by a strange route, I read Borstal Boy by Brendan Behan, I found it in the hall library, it told the story of his imprisonment and subsequent experiences in a Borstal Institution in the 1940s. It put my difficulties firmly into perspective. I went on to spend all three years in hall, and had a group of friends for the first time in my life - previously I had never had more than one or two friends at any one time.

    If your son were diagnosed, the university disability support unit would have to make proactive efforts to ease his problems. It would be useful to inform them of his suspected autism. The university cannot act if it does not know. There may also be self help or social groups available for autistic students, the Students Union welfare officer should be able to help with this. 

    Seeking a private autism assessment/diagnosis either through paying or via the NHS 'Right to Choose' scheme would considerably speed up the glacial mainstream NHS process, with often years of waiting. I have heard of universities arranging autism assessments for students, another good reason for telling them.

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  • I suffered from anxiety during the first few weeks of university, I lived in a large traditional hall of residence - 160 students, but most meals were catered. I found solace by a strange route, I read Borstal Boy by Brendan Behan, I found it in the hall library, it told the story of his imprisonment and subsequent experiences in a Borstal Institution in the 1940s. It put my difficulties firmly into perspective. I went on to spend all three years in hall, and had a group of friends for the first time in my life - previously I had never had more than one or two friends at any one time.

    If your son were diagnosed, the university disability support unit would have to make proactive efforts to ease his problems. It would be useful to inform them of his suspected autism. The university cannot act if it does not know. There may also be self help or social groups available for autistic students, the Students Union welfare officer should be able to help with this. 

    Seeking a private autism assessment/diagnosis either through paying or via the NHS 'Right to Choose' scheme would considerably speed up the glacial mainstream NHS process, with often years of waiting. I have heard of universities arranging autism assessments for students, another good reason for telling them.

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