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help and advice needed my partner has asburgers

fiona

HELP, im new to this site, and at my wits end. been married for 35 yrs to a man who has asburgers' but who is in denial, also 2 adult sons with it, 1 who is getting help ( thank god ). my life is a liveing nightmare, i love my husband very much, but i am DESPERATE  for some show of kindness and affection from him, I keep asking but he just dont do anything, he cant understand what i am FUSSING about, (his words not mine ) His attitude is that he works hard, pays the bills, so i should be happy' I need a support group for abit of support before i completely  crack up. I live in Cardiff south wales, can anyone sujjest anything to help me.....thanks

Parents

  • Hi Fiona

    I am in a similar situation to you. I have a husband (15 years married) who does not admit he has a problem - it is all my fault. Before I knew about Aspergers I tried to get him to marriage counselling but he refused. 4 years later he is now agreeing to go as a mental health professional told him it would be a good idea (only this week.

    This was the result of pushing the GP to send him for an ASD diagnosis. He got referred to Health in Mind who said he didn't show signs of Aspergers - without a proper assessment. I have had to threaten my husband with leaving him to get anywhere at all on this. He won't take hints or gentle persuasion and I really do feel like leaving. I have read lots of books and talked with many people so I don't think I am barking up the wrong tree (I also have a son who is being assessed for ASD).

    I am receiving a lot of support from Care for the Carers. They don't require a diagnosis and have a mental health support group I attend. They also have access to info on lots of other services. I have made sure I am getting support for me and go to Autism Sussex meetings too. When I have time I would like to set up a support group in my area, as I am sure that there are other women out there (most seem to focus on their kids). In the meantime, there is a good international online Yahoo group called Aspergers and Other Half. If you join you will find so many women in similar situations and lots of support. It isn't the same as a local group though.

    I will now be trying to find some counselling for myself and husband that is autism aware. Maxine Aston provides a great service but is expensive and based in Coventry. Her books are a good start. I think diagnosis (on NHS) is getting harder for Aspergers as it is not now a recognised diagnosable condition (in the DSM). I often feel that everyone thinks I am making it up. I will not put up with the abuse anymore though. A counsellor who knows about Aspergers would be a good start for you to get support and remain strong (I now have one after years of ordinary counselling). You need someone who understands the contradictory situation you are in.

    Good wishes

Reply

  • Hi Fiona

    I am in a similar situation to you. I have a husband (15 years married) who does not admit he has a problem - it is all my fault. Before I knew about Aspergers I tried to get him to marriage counselling but he refused. 4 years later he is now agreeing to go as a mental health professional told him it would be a good idea (only this week.

    This was the result of pushing the GP to send him for an ASD diagnosis. He got referred to Health in Mind who said he didn't show signs of Aspergers - without a proper assessment. I have had to threaten my husband with leaving him to get anywhere at all on this. He won't take hints or gentle persuasion and I really do feel like leaving. I have read lots of books and talked with many people so I don't think I am barking up the wrong tree (I also have a son who is being assessed for ASD).

    I am receiving a lot of support from Care for the Carers. They don't require a diagnosis and have a mental health support group I attend. They also have access to info on lots of other services. I have made sure I am getting support for me and go to Autism Sussex meetings too. When I have time I would like to set up a support group in my area, as I am sure that there are other women out there (most seem to focus on their kids). In the meantime, there is a good international online Yahoo group called Aspergers and Other Half. If you join you will find so many women in similar situations and lots of support. It isn't the same as a local group though.

    I will now be trying to find some counselling for myself and husband that is autism aware. Maxine Aston provides a great service but is expensive and based in Coventry. Her books are a good start. I think diagnosis (on NHS) is getting harder for Aspergers as it is not now a recognised diagnosable condition (in the DSM). I often feel that everyone thinks I am making it up. I will not put up with the abuse anymore though. A counsellor who knows about Aspergers would be a good start for you to get support and remain strong (I now have one after years of ordinary counselling). You need someone who understands the contradictory situation you are in.

    Good wishes

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