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refusing to apologise

Hotel california

Just preempting what I think might happen and asking for your comments.

I have a feeling that I may be called into school because one of my son's tutors overheard my son say to his lsa that he doesn't like his tutor because he cannot teach.

The tutor overheard and has demanded an  apology.  My son has refused to do so.

His aspieness has kicked in I think, as telling the truth, despite who it hurts, is the logical thing to do in his mind.

Just not sure how I get this across to his tutor.  If he does apologise, it will not be heartfelt and it somehow feels wrong to force my son to apologise when we  all know it is false, and will no doubt turn my son even more against this tutor.

Has anyone else been through this and / or have suggestions?

Parents

  • Can I just add a comment that "apologising" for some folks can be very difficult and it's not just about losing face or saying you were wrong. When you go to apologise you have to lower your defences and you have no way of knowing if the other person will retaliate. For someone who needs to rehearse or predict a situation that is a very vulnerable situation and can be a step too far. For me, I would often prefere to say nothing and hope that it all blows over in a few days time. (No surprise I have a trail of broken friendships strewn behind me.) 

    We are not saying to the school that behaving badly is acceptable but lets be very certain about what the crime was and what it wasn't. To do that the school needs to drop the politics and look at the facts. Your son may well be able to accept making an apology when he views it from the viewpoint of the "greater good" that it would unlock. (i.e. play the strategy game!)

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  • Can I just add a comment that "apologising" for some folks can be very difficult and it's not just about losing face or saying you were wrong. When you go to apologise you have to lower your defences and you have no way of knowing if the other person will retaliate. For someone who needs to rehearse or predict a situation that is a very vulnerable situation and can be a step too far. For me, I would often prefere to say nothing and hope that it all blows over in a few days time. (No surprise I have a trail of broken friendships strewn behind me.) 

    We are not saying to the school that behaving badly is acceptable but lets be very certain about what the crime was and what it wasn't. To do that the school needs to drop the politics and look at the facts. Your son may well be able to accept making an apology when he views it from the viewpoint of the "greater good" that it would unlock. (i.e. play the strategy game!)

Children
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