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Family Matters & Asperger's Syndrome

HollyP85

Hi!

I received the news a week ago that my daughter has Asperger's Syndrome. She has trouble with feelings & emotions and communicating them and also struggles with change in routines, although not in all circumstances (e.g. she moved school 8 months ago as we had moved house & we were walking 5 miles to school and 5 miles home-we did this for 6 months before she got a place at a school just around the corner-when she moved school she was fine with it, settled in very well but could be because she had had a long time to get used to the idea and it also meant we no longer had to get up at stupid o clock to be at school on time lol)

My real question/argh (and what I'm requiring advice on even if it's just people's personal experience) is how this will affect family court. My daughter stopped seeing her father when she was 2 as he emotionally abused her. He took it back to court and in September 2012 he was given access rights (supervised) It took just over 1 year (until October 2013) to progress to unsupervised contact (so as you can see it was very slow going based on my daughter's needs) however, in December 2013 court decided that it should progress from 4 hours unsupervised to 8 hours for the month of January, 1 overnight for the month of February progressing to 2 overnights in March & continue at that pace (every 2 weeks)

My daughter 'accepted' the 8 hours as much as possible, she wasn't happy about it, wrote homework saying it was making her sad etc and told her father she did not want to stay overnight. She started becoming violent, unsettled, wouldn't sleep, destructive, withdrawn etc etc. I therefore cancelled overnight & said I would take it back to court to have it reassessed because in my mind, this is no good for her to be that distressed and I stated at court it was too much too soon but nobody would listen.

I have now been told her father is going for residency stating I am "emotionally harming" her. I have in the past been blamed for the slowness of progress & a report was written saying if it didn't progress residency should be looked at. They said they would not take into account possible Asperger's hampering the progress because at that time there was no diagnosis (although she was undergoing the assessment) and therefore it must be me emotionally harming her and telling her not to go (I would like to add I have never done this. I have always encouraged, to the best of my ability, the contact and always encouragedmy daughter to do what she can manage.)

My real question is, does anyone know/have experience of court proceedings such as this? Her father has refused to accept that it could be the Asperger's stating he is doing what is in my daughter's best interest (by trying to force overnight stays) however, my daughter is adamant she will not even go anywhere near him if she thinks she will not return home the same day.

She has never slept over anywhere alone (please note this is not through lack of trying!!) she won't sleep at her grandparents/aunties/anywhere (people who she has known and been with her entire life) and I have made court aware of this but they would not listen. Could this be a side to the Asperger's (refusing to sleep anywhere I am not) ? I don't know that I have done the right thing by fighting this battle, I am terrified I will lose the residency battle purely because nobody seems to understand that pushing and forcing a situation will not make it happen any faster but instead may hamper!

I feellike I'm stuck between a rock & a hard place, I'm glad the diagnosis has come through as my daughter will get the support she needs in the area she struggles however, even though *I* understand Asperger's, I do not think anyone else involved in this does and that worries me :(

Parents

  • How is depriving a child of food not being malicious?  How is it then that all these ridiculous accusations they make against parents of "emotional harm" worthy of taking children away if those aren't malicious?

    This is strange logic.  I would really get copies of all records on your daughter that you can, because when you are being given strange answers like that it speaks to me of something going on behind your back that you are not aware of and is potentially regarding blaming you (even more than you are aware of).  They could be painting you as mentally unstable or something.  When they are excusing terrible actions of your ex to you in this way, this tells me that they are fobbing you off because they don't believe you and this means they have formed a particular opinion of you.  Otherwise why would a department meant to protect the child brush off her father starving her?

    I really think you ought to request copies of al CAFCASS and social services files on your daughter and perhaps health records (if you haven't already).

    As you said you have previously complained 4 times, they may be trying to make you out as complaining due to being a serial complainer due to mental illness.  I don't want to scare you but you need to be fully armed and aware so that you can fight any dirty tactics going on behind the scenes.

    When you request records, ask for:

    1. Copies of all records, handwritten AND computerised.

    2. Copies of all e-mails, faxes, letters etc.

    3. Copies of all telephone messages

    4. Copies of all internal memo's

    5. Copies of all contact logs from any contact centres

    6. Copies of all "Running Sheets" (day to day log)

    And you really need to get video evidence of your daughter coming home starving, with a witness there so they can't say you coached her or staged it.

    You can't fight a dirty war unless you are fully aware of all the background machinations.  And if your character has been maligned you need to request records are amended, according to the Data Protection Act 1998.

Reply

  • How is depriving a child of food not being malicious?  How is it then that all these ridiculous accusations they make against parents of "emotional harm" worthy of taking children away if those aren't malicious?

    This is strange logic.  I would really get copies of all records on your daughter that you can, because when you are being given strange answers like that it speaks to me of something going on behind your back that you are not aware of and is potentially regarding blaming you (even more than you are aware of).  They could be painting you as mentally unstable or something.  When they are excusing terrible actions of your ex to you in this way, this tells me that they are fobbing you off because they don't believe you and this means they have formed a particular opinion of you.  Otherwise why would a department meant to protect the child brush off her father starving her?

    I really think you ought to request copies of al CAFCASS and social services files on your daughter and perhaps health records (if you haven't already).

    As you said you have previously complained 4 times, they may be trying to make you out as complaining due to being a serial complainer due to mental illness.  I don't want to scare you but you need to be fully armed and aware so that you can fight any dirty tactics going on behind the scenes.

    When you request records, ask for:

    1. Copies of all records, handwritten AND computerised.

    2. Copies of all e-mails, faxes, letters etc.

    3. Copies of all telephone messages

    4. Copies of all internal memo's

    5. Copies of all contact logs from any contact centres

    6. Copies of all "Running Sheets" (day to day log)

    And you really need to get video evidence of your daughter coming home starving, with a witness there so they can't say you coached her or staged it.

    You can't fight a dirty war unless you are fully aware of all the background machinations.  And if your character has been maligned you need to request records are amended, according to the Data Protection Act 1998.

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