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Family Matters & Asperger's Syndrome

HollyP85

Hi!

I received the news a week ago that my daughter has Asperger's Syndrome. She has trouble with feelings & emotions and communicating them and also struggles with change in routines, although not in all circumstances (e.g. she moved school 8 months ago as we had moved house & we were walking 5 miles to school and 5 miles home-we did this for 6 months before she got a place at a school just around the corner-when she moved school she was fine with it, settled in very well but could be because she had had a long time to get used to the idea and it also meant we no longer had to get up at stupid o clock to be at school on time lol)

My real question/argh (and what I'm requiring advice on even if it's just people's personal experience) is how this will affect family court. My daughter stopped seeing her father when she was 2 as he emotionally abused her. He took it back to court and in September 2012 he was given access rights (supervised) It took just over 1 year (until October 2013) to progress to unsupervised contact (so as you can see it was very slow going based on my daughter's needs) however, in December 2013 court decided that it should progress from 4 hours unsupervised to 8 hours for the month of January, 1 overnight for the month of February progressing to 2 overnights in March & continue at that pace (every 2 weeks)

My daughter 'accepted' the 8 hours as much as possible, she wasn't happy about it, wrote homework saying it was making her sad etc and told her father she did not want to stay overnight. She started becoming violent, unsettled, wouldn't sleep, destructive, withdrawn etc etc. I therefore cancelled overnight & said I would take it back to court to have it reassessed because in my mind, this is no good for her to be that distressed and I stated at court it was too much too soon but nobody would listen.

I have now been told her father is going for residency stating I am "emotionally harming" her. I have in the past been blamed for the slowness of progress & a report was written saying if it didn't progress residency should be looked at. They said they would not take into account possible Asperger's hampering the progress because at that time there was no diagnosis (although she was undergoing the assessment) and therefore it must be me emotionally harming her and telling her not to go (I would like to add I have never done this. I have always encouraged, to the best of my ability, the contact and always encouragedmy daughter to do what she can manage.)

My real question is, does anyone know/have experience of court proceedings such as this? Her father has refused to accept that it could be the Asperger's stating he is doing what is in my daughter's best interest (by trying to force overnight stays) however, my daughter is adamant she will not even go anywhere near him if she thinks she will not return home the same day.

She has never slept over anywhere alone (please note this is not through lack of trying!!) she won't sleep at her grandparents/aunties/anywhere (people who she has known and been with her entire life) and I have made court aware of this but they would not listen. Could this be a side to the Asperger's (refusing to sleep anywhere I am not) ? I don't know that I have done the right thing by fighting this battle, I am terrified I will lose the residency battle purely because nobody seems to understand that pushing and forcing a situation will not make it happen any faster but instead may hamper!

I feellike I'm stuck between a rock & a hard place, I'm glad the diagnosis has come through as my daughter will get the support she needs in the area she struggles however, even though *I* understand Asperger's, I do not think anyone else involved in this does and that worries me :(

Parents

  • I cannot believe any decent mum would give such bad advice to you.  Perhaps some of them are trolls.  If everyone just rolled over and accepted miscarriages of justice then they are giving carte blanche for it to continue.

    You have to do what is right for your daughter and yourself.

    Who is preventing your daughter eating?  You need to urgently seek independent advice on this as this is neglect whoever is causing it.

    People on the autistic spectrum often don't like change and this could be why your daughter has refused to sleep outside of the home.  Often, a child with autism will cling to the person they trust the most and feel safest with, often the mother.  Mothers often have the best understanding of the child, they gave birth to them and were the most close caregiver for all of the child's life.  No-one can understand a bond between a mother and child except that mother and child.  And of course you would be anxious over this situation, don't listen to thse armchair philosophisers.

    From what you have said you are a caring mother in tune with your daughter and looking out for her needs.  All these departments (SS, CAFCASS) are supposed to be about the child's rights and needs above everyone else's.  Perhaps they need reminding of this fact.  You really need to get independent evidence that your daughter is unhappy with whatever she is unhappy with so they cannot challenge it.

    Also, please do contact that solicitor (http://www.maxwellgillott.com/news-sept09-compensation-aspergers-syndrome-child.htm) as you clearly need someone with expertise in autism.

Reply

  • I cannot believe any decent mum would give such bad advice to you.  Perhaps some of them are trolls.  If everyone just rolled over and accepted miscarriages of justice then they are giving carte blanche for it to continue.

    You have to do what is right for your daughter and yourself.

    Who is preventing your daughter eating?  You need to urgently seek independent advice on this as this is neglect whoever is causing it.

    People on the autistic spectrum often don't like change and this could be why your daughter has refused to sleep outside of the home.  Often, a child with autism will cling to the person they trust the most and feel safest with, often the mother.  Mothers often have the best understanding of the child, they gave birth to them and were the most close caregiver for all of the child's life.  No-one can understand a bond between a mother and child except that mother and child.  And of course you would be anxious over this situation, don't listen to thse armchair philosophisers.

    From what you have said you are a caring mother in tune with your daughter and looking out for her needs.  All these departments (SS, CAFCASS) are supposed to be about the child's rights and needs above everyone else's.  Perhaps they need reminding of this fact.  You really need to get independent evidence that your daughter is unhappy with whatever she is unhappy with so they cannot challenge it.

    Also, please do contact that solicitor (http://www.maxwellgillott.com/news-sept09-compensation-aspergers-syndrome-child.htm) as you clearly need someone with expertise in autism.

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