Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, new here. Autistic/ADHD son is at the end of year 7 and it has been difficult to say the least. He has gone from achieving well to achieving well below expectations and is in constant trouble (when he goes). The change since Primary is heartbreaking. Yes, he needs to accept support (he doesn't, is in denial and doesn't want to be one of the 'special' kids) but school are punishing him when he doesn't accept the exact support they are offering. He doesn't have an EHCP (Primary said he wouldn't qualify so didn't pursue it at the time) but feel he probably needs a fresh start as they just seem to be reprimanding him for every tiny thing now as he has a reputation and constantly threatening exclusion. How do I know which schools will be actually supportive of his needs? On paper his current one should have been. I don't really have local networks as they seem to meet during the day when I am at work (also in a school so can't just take a day off). To make matters worse he doesn't want to leave as his friends are there but he really is on his last life and don't know if it is better to leave before being pushed.
Whatselfcare said:he needs to accept support (he doesn't, is in denial and doesn't want to be one of the 'special' kids) but school are punishing him when he doesn't accept the exact support they are offering
Have you spoken with the SENCO at the school to detail your concerns? I would do it in writing so you have a paper trail and ask them who their ombudsman is to let them know you will escalate if they don't get their finger out.
The SENCO is key here - they will perform the assessments and put provisions in place so you need to work closely with them. If they are rubbish then you need to complain and make enough of a fuss that this gets addressed.
You do need to try to get your son to accept help though - but it may come best from a therapist for him than in public at least to the point where he is willing to accept some help.
If he is getting a lot of stigma from his classmates then the school needs to look at this and address the lack of understanding amongst the pupils
Whatselfcare said:To make matters worse he doesn't want to leave as his friends are there
If you pull him out then he will blame you for losing the friends. Changing to a new school is likely to lead to just the same acting out, just in a different place, and I expect his record will follow him so you are not starting over, just moving to a whole added set of problems with the uprooting of his contacts.
Whatselfcare said:he really is on his last life and don't know if it is better to leave before being pushed.
What are the options here if he does not change? Has he been made explicitly aware of them?
It could be this is a badge of honour he wants to get to show off to his friends. "look what a badass I am" sort of thing.
If you can point out what the future look like if he gets kicked out then this may give him cause to reconsider, but if you are one step away from it then I think it may be too late already. While you persue better outcomes then I would be considering how the worst case outcome would look like.