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Ripping clothes and other things

Dominika
2 months ago

Hello, everyone

I have a non-verbal autistic brother (19yrs) who started ripping his, our mom's, grandparent's and other's clothes. Even bedsheets, the fabric from the bed and sofa, pillows, sponges, everything that is rippable. He first started years ago with his storybooks, ripping parts of the edges until there is barely anything left. We thought it was because maybe they practcied tearing paper in school, maybe he liked the sound of it. Maybe he was bothered by holes and stains so he tried to "remove"them. But it just have gotten worse. All his books are like cabbages and now the clothes... My mom even taught him sewing, so when he have to fix it, he will not want to rip anything again. It didn't help sadly. The worst is that he isn't just destroying things at home but at family members, too. When we try to confront him and take away the clothes he gets aggressive.

Every two weeks he visits our grandparents on the weekend so my mom can have some break for herself and her boyfriend. The problem is that they don't really know how to deal with him, so they often let him do whatever he wants. After all these years he started to get bored there. Our grandparents are old and they're getting tired of his misbehaviour. I can see my mom as well losing her sanity over all the things my brother has destroyed. Her boyfriend moved in around a year ago. He really gets angry with both my brother and mom. My mom fears that their relationship is at stake. She always found a way to teach my brother and correct his behaviour but she is clueless this time. I would be happy if someone could recommend anything to stop this.

I have a feeling it has something to do with anxiety. He's always biting his nails. He did this long ago as well but it's gotten worse. We moved to another house more than a year ago, maybe this was a dramatic change for him. How much time would he need to get used to it? Is there any way to help him get used to the house if that would be the problem? He ripped clothes before we moved but he does it more frequently. When my mom is not preparing exercises for him, he's on his phone or computer. If these gadgets are the problem, is there a way to lower the usage without causing him to be aggressive?

I'm really greatful for anyone who takes the time to give me any type of advice!

Parents
  • 2 months ago

    It sounds like he may be stressed by the move/new house and using the ripping to regulate (stimming), or it may be a compulsion- does he get more or less agitated/anxious after ripping things? 
    You can get pumice stones with a dried glue-type paste in them aimed at skin picking, but the sensation may be similar enough to ripping that he is able to redirect the urge. Going outside and ripping bits of hay or grass is also a less destructive alternative. Even trying to encourage him to rip the pieces up smaller could minimise the number of things that are destroyed, although it may be a challenge if he struggles with fine motor skills.

Reply
  • 2 months ago

    It sounds like he may be stressed by the move/new house and using the ripping to regulate (stimming), or it may be a compulsion- does he get more or less agitated/anxious after ripping things? 
    You can get pumice stones with a dried glue-type paste in them aimed at skin picking, but the sensation may be similar enough to ripping that he is able to redirect the urge. Going outside and ripping bits of hay or grass is also a less destructive alternative. Even trying to encourage him to rip the pieces up smaller could minimise the number of things that are destroyed, although it may be a challenge if he struggles with fine motor skills.

Children
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