Teenage son won't accept my new partner

Hello, new to this forum and would be so grateful for your perspectives on this...

My son is 17 and although not diagnosed as autistic I strongly suspect that he is high functioning. A couple of years ago I split up with my previous partner after 13 years. For the last 1 and a half years I've been with someone new and my relationship with him is everything I dreamed of. He spends 6 nights in every fortnight staying with us.

My son refuses to accept the change and says he resents me for forcing this on him. He wants his home to be his sanctuary where he doesn't have to be fake around people, which I totally understand. He doesn't have any problem with my partner as a person, it's just that he doesn't want any 'outsiders' here.

I make it clear that I'm always available to him, whether or not my new partner is here, but he refuses to be around him or to go to family gatherings if he's there. So I now avoid family gatherings, which is not what I want at all, for any of us. He also barely talks to me if I try to engage with him while my partner's not around.

I don't know what to do. My son is very withdrawn and doesn't like to share his feelings.

Thank you so much for any advice.

Parents
  • How high are his support needs?

    What are the thoughts and feelings of this new person towards the son?

    What contact have they had with the son directly so far?

    Which relationship, if you had to choose, is the more important to you?

    What plans are there for him when he reaches him maturity?

    He may feel terrified because of very basic things that an adult would have to face that he is not prepared for?

    Find him support in this time of transition. I can relate

  • Thank you very much for your thoughts. I will think through them all very carefully as they're all very important

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