Daughter (audtsitic /ADD) aged 15 struggling with friendships and isolation.

I had a *** time at school. In my case primary was worse for me, but I was still bullied for most of secondary.

NAS93710 said:

she has been able make friends with other ASD kids

I agree with this. Every single friend I made was either diagnosed autistic or later diagnosed as autistic. My brother is also autistic and also finds himself closest with other autistic students. 

This does not mean I get on with every autistic person, but someone I'm getting on with is more likely to be autistic than neurotypical.

Groups were a nightmare, I often worked on my own or with whoever was left over. Teachers designating does work, but not if they put you in a group with your bully (PE lessons were terrible). On the plus side, whoever is left over often also has differences that make them more likely to take mine fine and we get on better.

Does she have any hobby groups? How is she socially in those? I was a very contextual socialiser, I would associate with people in the group, but not go out of my way to meet them outside of it, but it still fulfilled what social need I had. 

Are there any break or lunch time groups at school? Particularly ones oriented around tasks (library, gardening, something with purpose). If we were working on a specific thing, I would just talk about that and not have to come up with other topics of conversation.

I hope some of that is of some use. Feel free to ask additional questions

I had a *** time at school. In my case primary was worse for me, but I was still bullied for most of secondary.

NAS93710 said:

she has been able make friends with other ASD kids

I agree with this. Every single friend I made was either diagnosed autistic or later diagnosed as autistic. My brother is also autistic and also finds himself closest with other autistic students. 

This does not mean I get on with every autistic person, but someone I'm getting on with is more likely to be autistic than neurotypical.

Groups were a nightmare, I often worked on my own or with whoever was left over. Teachers designating does work, but not if they put you in a group with your bully (PE lessons were terrible). On the plus side, whoever is left over often also has differences that make them more likely to take mine fine and we get on better.

Does she have any hobby groups? How is she socially in those? I was a very contextual socialiser, I would associate with people in the group, but not go out of my way to meet them outside of it, but it still fulfilled what social need I had. 

Are there any break or lunch time groups at school? Particularly ones oriented around tasks (library, gardening, something with purpose). If we were working on a specific thing, I would just talk about that and not have to come up with other topics of conversation.

I hope some of that is of some use. Feel free to ask additional questions

Hi there, yes, that's helpful. She does a lot of music and drama stuff outside school, and it's interesting that you should say that fulfilled your needs, because I think this may be the case too.  She really enjoys these clubs and does seem to connect more esily with people there, but not to the extent that she would suggest meeting up with them outside of the groups.  Perhaps I need to look at it more through her lense as well.  I am trying to coach her through what topics of conversation might work, so I'll keep doing that.  Thanks