Daughter (audtsitic /ADD) aged 15 struggling with friendships and isolation.

Hey there :) my son diagnosed at 18 ...he basically pulled all his hair out at school..he is 24 now and.will if stress pick at his head  ,,,you can do things to.help make sure you get them.to exercise it will help expel some of the anxious energy it helps sleep etc and generally overall..also look at diet and watch obvious stuff that's going to.make your child's.mood be down or hyper etc. How it works is that..s my son explains it to me is....autistic people want to be able to socialize etc they crave it as.its part of being.human.and what a human being needs however lthough they  they can't tolerate it..its basically really stressful they don't have the tools like most do to socialize the things someone without autism can do as it comes natural...it's like someone with no legs trying to climb a mountain..its not fun its really hard yet at same time.e.they need and crave human interaction you see.. I would suggest if you can fi nd somewhere with other autistic children that your child can mix with then they may not feel so alone at least..but I have same problem in that there are no such places..I mean here is this charity for autism yet I see no evidence of anything concrete my son in get involved In...

Thank you - I've  emailed school now!

Hi there, yes, that's helpful. She does a lot of music and drama stuff outside school, and it's interesting that you should say that fulfilled your needs, because I think this may be the case too.  She really enjoys these clubs and does seem to connect more esily with people there, but not to the extent that she would suggest meeting up with them outside of the groups.  Perhaps I need to look at it more through her lense as well.  I am trying to coach her through what topics of conversation might work, so I'll keep doing that.  Thanks

I had a *** time at school. In my case primary was worse for me, but I was still bullied for most of secondary.

NAS93710 said:

she has been able make friends with other ASD kids

I agree with this. Every single friend I made was either diagnosed autistic or later diagnosed as autistic. My brother is also autistic and also finds himself closest with other autistic students. 

This does not mean I get on with every autistic person, but someone I'm getting on with is more likely to be autistic than neurotypical.

Groups were a nightmare, I often worked on my own or with whoever was left over. Teachers designating does work, but not if they put you in a group with your bully (PE lessons were terrible). On the plus side, whoever is left over often also has differences that make them more likely to take mine fine and we get on better.

Does she have any hobby groups? How is she socially in those? I was a very contextual socialiser, I would associate with people in the group, but not go out of my way to meet them outside of it, but it still fulfilled what social need I had. 

Are there any break or lunch time groups at school? Particularly ones oriented around tasks (library, gardening, something with purpose). If we were working on a specific thing, I would just talk about that and not have to come up with other topics of conversation.

I hope some of that is of some use. Feel free to ask additional questions

But sadly the many years of being ignored, excluded and bullied have had a devastating impact on her mental health. I do not know any other parent who has had to go through these issues so, yes, it great to connect with someone who is also experiencing these struggles with their child

I just replied but it deleted the message! But, in brief. I did tell the head of year that I wanted PE teachers to stop letting kids choose own partners and teams. And also the science teachers to put kids in pairs. My daughter was left out every single day until those changes were made. 

Thanks for your response, it's a real help to connect with someone going through something similar.  Early on at school she did get picked up and put into a friendship group, but she didn't seem to really connect with the others in it (some of whom I do think also have ASD).  However I have been thinking about contacting them again and will follow that up.  She's also struggling when teachers say 'get into pairs or groups of 3' because she is always left out and on her own.  I think the teachers should be pre planning groups to avoid this......

Hi - I can relate to everything in your post. My ASD daughter is also 15 and struggled immensely at her previous school because she had no friends and felt very anxious and isolated. She lent every break in the toilets hiding. She changed schools and although her attendance is still poor, she has been able make friends with other ASD kids. That has been the key for her as they “get” each other. Could you ask the school’s SENCO if they could introduce her to some kids that they work with at the school?