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anxiety with lunch time and P.E.

virgo76

my 9yr old daughter still awaiting diagnosis but we have been told most likely that she has aspergers, things are getting to the point of where we dont where to turn, school seems to be helpless as are we.

things came to a head in October 2013, she has recently been diagnosed with Coeliac disease but leading up to that she was refusung to eat and everything made her feel sick and its been a real struggle, well me and teachers agreed for the time being until she starts to feel better she could sit in teachers office to eat as my daughter is struggling with the noise and crowds etc, its been making her ill to the point where she would rather not eat than be with others at lunchtime.

its been 3 months and teachers are getting increasingly worried as she is really isolating herself at lunch not wanting to mix at all and P.E. is an absolute NO GO!! she has a doctors letter for this as we thought it was the pains she had been getting from the Coeliac disease, but now she has been on a strict gluten free diet now for 5 weeks and is generally eating much better which is brilliant but now it looks as though the teachers would like to try and start getting her to integrate a little more and its worrying me sick as i know she will be a nervous wreck everyday, we have had severe meltdowns over lunchtimes in the past over things like "people are looking at her, people eat with mouths open, smells, noise etc"

i do feel as if school maybe pushing her a little bit and it could all seriously backfire on them and i will be the one having to deal with the behaviour at home, she sleeps with a jug (we call it her sick jug) as she feels sick all the time or so she says, she hasnt actually been sick, it frightens her to death, i think in the past there have been sick children in the hall and she has often spoke of children being sick, its the sheer panic on her face when she talks about it, she comes up and down the stairs several times before actually settling due to her telling me she feels sick and dizzy and always thirsty which i know she is suffering from an anxiety issue, its just so hard to deal with and teachers ask us what to do, we have struggled for years and its not getting any easier, i just wondered if anyone has some tips that may help me and her to deal with this, we are all quite new to this as we are getting our heads round the fact that she may have ASD so please excuse me as i have been quite naive and feel i need training as a parent as the paediatrician said we will have to change everything we do in order to help her cope, its a nightmare, really need some advice, many thanks in advance , worried mum xx

Parents

  • You need to explain to the school that, while some children need to be encouraged to make progress, children with AS often feel more anxious when pressure is applied so it can be counter-productive.

    The more anxious your daughter feels, the harder it will be for her to learn in the classroom and the more likely she is to start to refuse to attend school. It isn't in their best interests to push her either.

    Classrooms are very socially intense environments. Children are expected to work together and interact while they are learning so your daughter isn't going to become isolated. What she probably needs is some quiet recovery time to recharge her batteries during the lunch hour in order for her to be able to cope with the social interaction in the classroom during the afternoon.

    It's often hard for teachers to see that children having time alone is a good thing but, for children with AS, it can be very positive and equip them to cope during the rest of the day.

    Your daughter may well appear to be fine in school and happy in the classroom. Lots of children with AS do so teachers don't see the underlying anxiety. In their heads she is probably OK most of the time and just needs a nudge to get over her worries about lunch. In reality she is probably at the limit of her ability to cope in the classroom and the dining hall takes her beyond that. This isn't going to go away just because her Coeliac disease is being treated. She needs sensory breaks and is creating them for herself at the moment. They shouldn't be taken from her.

    Be clear with the school that they need to continue with the current arrangements until she feels ready to change it, if that time ever comes.

    The same for PE. If she's active at other times and PE is the straw that breaks her back, be clear that pushing her, even gently, will cause harm.

    You will probably be made to feel like you're overreacting. You're not. You're responding to the behaviour you see at home and they need to do that too, even if they don't see the evidence first hand.

    Standing up for my daughters' rights in school was one of the hardest things I had to learn when they were diagnosed but it has been well worth gritting my teeth and being firm about what they need.

Reply

  • You need to explain to the school that, while some children need to be encouraged to make progress, children with AS often feel more anxious when pressure is applied so it can be counter-productive.

    The more anxious your daughter feels, the harder it will be for her to learn in the classroom and the more likely she is to start to refuse to attend school. It isn't in their best interests to push her either.

    Classrooms are very socially intense environments. Children are expected to work together and interact while they are learning so your daughter isn't going to become isolated. What she probably needs is some quiet recovery time to recharge her batteries during the lunch hour in order for her to be able to cope with the social interaction in the classroom during the afternoon.

    It's often hard for teachers to see that children having time alone is a good thing but, for children with AS, it can be very positive and equip them to cope during the rest of the day.

    Your daughter may well appear to be fine in school and happy in the classroom. Lots of children with AS do so teachers don't see the underlying anxiety. In their heads she is probably OK most of the time and just needs a nudge to get over her worries about lunch. In reality she is probably at the limit of her ability to cope in the classroom and the dining hall takes her beyond that. This isn't going to go away just because her Coeliac disease is being treated. She needs sensory breaks and is creating them for herself at the moment. They shouldn't be taken from her.

    Be clear with the school that they need to continue with the current arrangements until she feels ready to change it, if that time ever comes.

    The same for PE. If she's active at other times and PE is the straw that breaks her back, be clear that pushing her, even gently, will cause harm.

    You will probably be made to feel like you're overreacting. You're not. You're responding to the behaviour you see at home and they need to do that too, even if they don't see the evidence first hand.

    Standing up for my daughters' rights in school was one of the hardest things I had to learn when they were diagnosed but it has been well worth gritting my teeth and being firm about what they need.

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