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False memories

NAS93107

Hi. I'm new. I'm the parent of an adult son with ASD. 

We have a great relationship and always have. However, lately he has started making comments about memories of things that just didn't happen the way he sees them. In some cases they didn't happen at all. 

These comments are hurtful especially as I'm his main emotional support. My question is ,is this an autistic trait? If so,how do I handle it? How do I stop myself feeling so sad and frustrated by it? 

Currently I'm not saying anything but these comments are incredibly hurtful. Do I gently correct him or do I let it go? :-(

Parents

  • All children want to feel connected (seen, heard, understood, loved) which helps them feel grounded. As an adult now with a son who is hyper critical, I would always let him vent his frustration and try to embrace it. Allow the perspective even if it's a misinterpretation of events and ask how I can do better. In fact, allowing him to respond closer to the event can help immediately troubleshoot any miscommunication or further disaster. I learned this from my own parents.

    One parent couldn't bare ever being wrong. There was no room for my voice. This may be part of how this parent was raised, if you were guilty, there were consequences and never forgiveness. Sadly, this one continued to make unreasonable demands into adulthood and severed all connexion the moment I asserted a few boundaries. 

    The other parent was always open to being wrong or not thinking in the moment. This parent was a physicist. They would simply say "oh I'm so sorry, I certainly didn't mean that, but I can see how you'd think this. Just tell me next time if you can and I'll try to not do this".  Even this invitation eased all hurt. Both of these parents have been expressive and volatile and depressed and messy, but this one isn't afraid of being human and just trying again. We have a close relationship.

    Many autistics tend to have quite strong long-term memories. There will always be miscommunication and it will come with a difficulty using linguistics. With my son, I tried to always remind him to evaluate things not people: examine the action so to not judge the person. Everything is mendable. And we're all growing and learning. Children can only make us better humans :) 

Reply

  • All children want to feel connected (seen, heard, understood, loved) which helps them feel grounded. As an adult now with a son who is hyper critical, I would always let him vent his frustration and try to embrace it. Allow the perspective even if it's a misinterpretation of events and ask how I can do better. In fact, allowing him to respond closer to the event can help immediately troubleshoot any miscommunication or further disaster. I learned this from my own parents.

    One parent couldn't bare ever being wrong. There was no room for my voice. This may be part of how this parent was raised, if you were guilty, there were consequences and never forgiveness. Sadly, this one continued to make unreasonable demands into adulthood and severed all connexion the moment I asserted a few boundaries. 

    The other parent was always open to being wrong or not thinking in the moment. This parent was a physicist. They would simply say "oh I'm so sorry, I certainly didn't mean that, but I can see how you'd think this. Just tell me next time if you can and I'll try to not do this".  Even this invitation eased all hurt. Both of these parents have been expressive and volatile and depressed and messy, but this one isn't afraid of being human and just trying again. We have a close relationship.

    Many autistics tend to have quite strong long-term memories. There will always be miscommunication and it will come with a difficulty using linguistics. With my son, I tried to always remind him to evaluate things not people: examine the action so to not judge the person. Everything is mendable. And we're all growing and learning. Children can only make us better humans :) 

Children
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