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Help - Newbie

struggling mum

Hi everyone,

After a very long process my son (10) has just been diagnosed with Aspergers. I have suspected for some time so in many ways the diagnosis is a relief and answers some questions. I have read lots and lots of information and trying to be proactive in helping my son, I see the positives in the condition and the difficulties he faces but here's the problem.... defining what is the condition and what is bad behaviour. For example...His meltdowns now include swearing, mean comments and hitting out?? These factors really hurt! I know its not about me but aswell as this is totally humiliating and I feel complete lack of control. We go through the whole process, he acts out in this way, loses his beloved technology, finally earns it back then the cycle starts over. Any insight would be very welcome.

Thank you 

Parents
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi Mum in Distress,

    Welcome to the forum.

    It sounds as though you have reached a crisis point where you need help from outside. Have you discussed this problem with your GP? Do you have anyone to call on from mental health or social services? We can give some suggestions on the forum but it is likely to need more concrete assistance from some of the agencies that can help you locally.

    I'm an aspie parent of non aspie children and my eldest left home when we nearly came to blows after yet another instance of 'non-grown-up' belligerence from him. This isn't necessarily all to do with autism, parents often need to throw the child out so that it can experience the world for itself without having the bank of mum/dad to fall back on. He has now grown up enormously and become the most appreciative, considerate son that we could wish for. He learnt a lot by having to pay his own bills and find his own accommodation.

    In your son's case there may be very good reasons for not being able to just throw him out but is there some way that he can leave temporarily so that you can get some respite? He needs to learn some independence and appreciation of what you are giving him. Perhaps some form of adult accommodation for autistic people might be suitable - have you looked into this possibility? It's hard to give much more specific advice as you haven't told us much about him yet.

    You may also need some help in learning how to be consistent and firm in dealing with him. Have you sought assistance in parenting/management skills - please don't think I am saying there is anything wrong with your parenting but everyone can learn more than we already know - I wish I could go back and do my parenting again as I have learnt some more stuff that I could have used when hey were younger.

    (P.S. it might be better to start your own thread for this discussion - do you know how to do that?)

Reply
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi Mum in Distress,

    Welcome to the forum.

    It sounds as though you have reached a crisis point where you need help from outside. Have you discussed this problem with your GP? Do you have anyone to call on from mental health or social services? We can give some suggestions on the forum but it is likely to need more concrete assistance from some of the agencies that can help you locally.

    I'm an aspie parent of non aspie children and my eldest left home when we nearly came to blows after yet another instance of 'non-grown-up' belligerence from him. This isn't necessarily all to do with autism, parents often need to throw the child out so that it can experience the world for itself without having the bank of mum/dad to fall back on. He has now grown up enormously and become the most appreciative, considerate son that we could wish for. He learnt a lot by having to pay his own bills and find his own accommodation.

    In your son's case there may be very good reasons for not being able to just throw him out but is there some way that he can leave temporarily so that you can get some respite? He needs to learn some independence and appreciation of what you are giving him. Perhaps some form of adult accommodation for autistic people might be suitable - have you looked into this possibility? It's hard to give much more specific advice as you haven't told us much about him yet.

    You may also need some help in learning how to be consistent and firm in dealing with him. Have you sought assistance in parenting/management skills - please don't think I am saying there is anything wrong with your parenting but everyone can learn more than we already know - I wish I could go back and do my parenting again as I have learnt some more stuff that I could have used when hey were younger.

    (P.S. it might be better to start your own thread for this discussion - do you know how to do that?)

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