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Help - Newbie

struggling mum

Hi everyone,

After a very long process my son (10) has just been diagnosed with Aspergers. I have suspected for some time so in many ways the diagnosis is a relief and answers some questions. I have read lots and lots of information and trying to be proactive in helping my son, I see the positives in the condition and the difficulties he faces but here's the problem.... defining what is the condition and what is bad behaviour. For example...His meltdowns now include swearing, mean comments and hitting out?? These factors really hurt! I know its not about me but aswell as this is totally humiliating and I feel complete lack of control. We go through the whole process, he acts out in this way, loses his beloved technology, finally earns it back then the cycle starts over. Any insight would be very welcome.

Thank you 

Parents

  • His beloved technology, as you call it, may be his sanctuary - something where he is focussed and relaxed and can unwind. Taking it off him as a punishment has predictable outcomes, if there is no other means of unwinding. "A self fulfilling prophecy".

    Meltdowns that include swearing, mean comments and hitting out are explosive responses to levels of stress you cannot possibly imagine. They aren't likely to be intentional, and it is likely he regrets them. You need to get a better grasp of why this happens.

    However I could ask you to imagine you are having a really bad day, everything is going wrong, and you feel there's nowhere to turn to, and eventually you explode - whether that's anger, tears, shouting....... What causes you to explode may be something quite minor, or something worrying you for days that's built up inside you and picked this moment to manifest itself.

    Your son is at this juncture every day. The causes aren't well understood. Anxiety spirals generally vastly over-inflate anxieties that wouldn't be such a problem for someone without autism (an NT for short, no disrespect intended in using this term). Some analogies have been made to bandwidth - that people on the spectrum cannot process as much at any one point in time. Or just high sensitivity, too much at once.

    crystal12 is right. You need to look to see what is causing this pressure build up, and school is a very likely factor. Trying to fit in with odd behaviours and communication difficulties is exceptionally hard, and it is very common for kids with autism to get bullied on that account.

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  • His beloved technology, as you call it, may be his sanctuary - something where he is focussed and relaxed and can unwind. Taking it off him as a punishment has predictable outcomes, if there is no other means of unwinding. "A self fulfilling prophecy".

    Meltdowns that include swearing, mean comments and hitting out are explosive responses to levels of stress you cannot possibly imagine. They aren't likely to be intentional, and it is likely he regrets them. You need to get a better grasp of why this happens.

    However I could ask you to imagine you are having a really bad day, everything is going wrong, and you feel there's nowhere to turn to, and eventually you explode - whether that's anger, tears, shouting....... What causes you to explode may be something quite minor, or something worrying you for days that's built up inside you and picked this moment to manifest itself.

    Your son is at this juncture every day. The causes aren't well understood. Anxiety spirals generally vastly over-inflate anxieties that wouldn't be such a problem for someone without autism (an NT for short, no disrespect intended in using this term). Some analogies have been made to bandwidth - that people on the spectrum cannot process as much at any one point in time. Or just high sensitivity, too much at once.

    crystal12 is right. You need to look to see what is causing this pressure build up, and school is a very likely factor. Trying to fit in with odd behaviours and communication difficulties is exceptionally hard, and it is very common for kids with autism to get bullied on that account.

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