• Replies 6 replies
  • Subscribers 65 subscribers
  • Views 2821 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Daughter with AS takes 3 hours to get to bed... Help!

Spacemonkey

My 12 year old daughter was diagnosed with Aspergers a couple of years ago.

She has always been terrible to get to bed, taking a very long time to settle, fighting sleep, right from day one.

After years of fighting and struggle we decided we should just stay out of her bedtime routine and leave her to it.

But now the time it takes her to get to bed/sleep has spiralled out of any control - up to three hours every night.

She spends ages 'tucking her bed in' - going around the edges making minute adjustments to how tight the covers are.

She spends ages in the toilet - taking up to 20 minutes 'having a wee', then going back into the toilet 15 minutes later because she is 'bursting for a wee'. Then going back in again just 15 minutes after that! (This isn't helped by her almost obsessive water consumption - I showed her last night that in less than 3 hours she drinks nearly a litre and a half of water!). She always seems to be on the toilet!

It is now past midnight before she is finally getting to sleep, then she has to get up at 7am for school the next day! She constantly complains about having a headache!

My wife and I are so worried about her - her capabilities at school will surely suffer with so little sleep (she'll happily sleep until 11am the next day if allowed to). She's a really smart girl, very intelligent, and her AS doesn't manifest itself in the structured school environment. Just in the more chaotic home environment.

We have tried discussing things with her, to make her understand she has AS, to try to help her reduce the time her routine takes, but she refuses to believe there is any issue. We have begged her to help her mum and dad to reduce their stress by shortening her routine, but she can't. She just gets stressed and upset, and the routine continues.

Finally, last night she admitted that she just can't change her routine - if she went to bed at 7pm (which she wouldn't do anyway), she'd still take 3 hours. It's controlling her (and worrying us!).

My wife and I really feel like we can't cope with it!

Can anyone, please, offer any help/suggestions?

Parents

  • Thanks to you all for your kind replies and suggestions.

    I want you all to know that my wife and I really do appreciate all of your comments - it's a comfort to know that we are not alone! I'm so glad I found this site!

    After last week's upset and hours of talking, my daughter did actually manage to not drink quite so much in the evening, and get to bed a little earlier - only half an hour or so - but I praised her copiously the next day.

    However, unless I or my wife monitor every glass of water, every moment, and keep checking with her how long she is spending tucking her bed in and going to the toilet, then it soon slips back to how it was. We just don't have the time or the energy to maintain this level of vigilance.

    But the small let-up in the routine gave us all time to breathe and reflect. Not quite so stressed at the moment..!

    Thank you to tudorfamily2010 for your suggestion of Melotonin, my wife and I will talk about that later!

    And to TEA - yes, I'm sure there are sensory issues too. She does like the extra weight on her bed and the feeling of security, but not how hot it makes her feel. She has a winter-weight duvet, a light blanket, a heavy fluffy blanket and two dressing gowns on her bed, so that she can remove various bits of it depending on how hot she gets!
    She is also very sensitive to loud sound - if her younger sister starts shouting or having a temper tantrum (as 5 year olds do!) then she immediately sticks her fingers in her ears and complains it will give her a headache!

    And to mozlady - yes, we did the 'sitting with her until she goes to sleep' thing too, for years and years. Pretty much right from the day she was born until she was about 8 or 9. Every night. Plus when she woke in the night we'd have to sit with her again for up to an hour! Trouble was that we (my wife or I) would fall asleep too, and wake up hours later feeling terrible, squished up in a chair or propped up against her bed!

    Even now, as she approaches her 13th birthday, she still HAS to have a torch to see her way up the stairs to bed (well, to start her bedtime routine), even though we live on a lighted street, and it's not even dark when she goes up!

    We definitely can't change any routine to any great extent.

    Time to talk to the professionals again, I feel.

Reply

  • Thanks to you all for your kind replies and suggestions.

    I want you all to know that my wife and I really do appreciate all of your comments - it's a comfort to know that we are not alone! I'm so glad I found this site!

    After last week's upset and hours of talking, my daughter did actually manage to not drink quite so much in the evening, and get to bed a little earlier - only half an hour or so - but I praised her copiously the next day.

    However, unless I or my wife monitor every glass of water, every moment, and keep checking with her how long she is spending tucking her bed in and going to the toilet, then it soon slips back to how it was. We just don't have the time or the energy to maintain this level of vigilance.

    But the small let-up in the routine gave us all time to breathe and reflect. Not quite so stressed at the moment..!

    Thank you to tudorfamily2010 for your suggestion of Melotonin, my wife and I will talk about that later!

    And to TEA - yes, I'm sure there are sensory issues too. She does like the extra weight on her bed and the feeling of security, but not how hot it makes her feel. She has a winter-weight duvet, a light blanket, a heavy fluffy blanket and two dressing gowns on her bed, so that she can remove various bits of it depending on how hot she gets!
    She is also very sensitive to loud sound - if her younger sister starts shouting or having a temper tantrum (as 5 year olds do!) then she immediately sticks her fingers in her ears and complains it will give her a headache!

    And to mozlady - yes, we did the 'sitting with her until she goes to sleep' thing too, for years and years. Pretty much right from the day she was born until she was about 8 or 9. Every night. Plus when she woke in the night we'd have to sit with her again for up to an hour! Trouble was that we (my wife or I) would fall asleep too, and wake up hours later feeling terrible, squished up in a chair or propped up against her bed!

    Even now, as she approaches her 13th birthday, she still HAS to have a torch to see her way up the stairs to bed (well, to start her bedtime routine), even though we live on a lighted street, and it's not even dark when she goes up!

    We definitely can't change any routine to any great extent.

    Time to talk to the professionals again, I feel.

Children
No Data