Help!

My lovely lad is 8 and has Aspergers.  He's the middle of 3 boys, my older lad has Autism & ADHD (he's 10).

DS2 is a really outdoorsy boy and generally struggles at this time of year when the weather isn't so good and there isn't so much daylight.  Anyway, he's always been wary of dogs but now he's refusing to go outside at all unless it's necessary (ie to the car to do the school run).  He won't play in the garden although it's fully enclosed.  He says he's scared of being chased by a dog.  

Any advice?  

He spent yesterday afternoon with us at our friends' home.  They have a wee yorkie and he spent the whole time playing with the dog and running about with its toys begging it to chase him!

We don't know what to do.  He won't go out of the house unless necessary.  We have to take everyone into consideration ... we need to be able to take the boys to the park or out as normal but we also don't want to make DS2 even more stressed.  He's been angry and aggressive with us all weekend ... we can calm him by holding him tightly and talking calmly to him but both DH and I have noticed that he's excessively fidgety as if he can't control himself.  

Parents
  • I need to be out doors as much as possible. Its not just about the sunlight. Even the fresh air and wind and weather eases away my tensions as does having space between me and other people. Its one of my safe places so is really important.

    Now to point two. Barking dogs send shock waves through me like nothing else does. Some of this may be due to experiences when young but the effect is made much worse when I'm stressed or tired.

    Put the two together! My garden is my secret place but when a dog starts barking when I go into my garden it is like someone robbing me. Similar if I want to go for a walk but a dog stops me going where I want to get to. The injustice and anger and helplessness can leave me crushed and in tears.

    If it is possible to sit and stay calm and let the dog go past then there is a real sence of relief and success in having saved the situation. Can you help your son to learn this technique? It is bizarre that it is not the fact that it is a "dog" that is the issue as he/we can cope with some dogs but the humiliation and loss that has such a strong effect certainly for me.

    Dunk

Reply
  • I need to be out doors as much as possible. Its not just about the sunlight. Even the fresh air and wind and weather eases away my tensions as does having space between me and other people. Its one of my safe places so is really important.

    Now to point two. Barking dogs send shock waves through me like nothing else does. Some of this may be due to experiences when young but the effect is made much worse when I'm stressed or tired.

    Put the two together! My garden is my secret place but when a dog starts barking when I go into my garden it is like someone robbing me. Similar if I want to go for a walk but a dog stops me going where I want to get to. The injustice and anger and helplessness can leave me crushed and in tears.

    If it is possible to sit and stay calm and let the dog go past then there is a real sence of relief and success in having saved the situation. Can you help your son to learn this technique? It is bizarre that it is not the fact that it is a "dog" that is the issue as he/we can cope with some dogs but the humiliation and loss that has such a strong effect certainly for me.

    Dunk

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