Toddler not coping in nursery

Thank you. It was a journey that seemed so long, I really think your situation will eventually be better but you obviously need something for now.

My daughter would not have coped in a nursery and I put her in with a child minder which had alot less children and noise. Have you thought about this? It doesn't have to be a nursery to get the support. 

For my son as no Child minders were available, I found the smallest nursery I could. He didn't do well but it was the best of a bad bunch at the time, it added additional miles to my journey but was better than nothing.

aww bless him glad he’s found somewhere that he loves 

Truthfully, he copes inside fantastic. He's engaged and learning. At the gate leaving me is a bit touch and go especially after the half terms.

Our local school has a SEN unit attached. 

I had a meeting just last month and our SENCO cannot believe its the same child she saw in nursery. 

she’s currently only doing half an hour there so I wait downstairs however she’s still crying the full time that she’s there and won’t interact with anyone. The nursery isn’t a specialist autism nursery however they have many autistic children there and I was advised by the EHCP panel to put her in there as it’s “as close to a specialist as what I’m going to get”. Although they have many autistic children there I don’t think they’ve got any with as high needs as my daughter has, and they appear to be struggling to cope with her. I don’t understand it though all staff there have autism training and there is multiple members of staff and they can’t handle her but yet i single handedly meet every single one of her needs. The current plan is I’m going to leave her in for three more weeks and if she’s still not coping then I’m going to pull her out of nursery and reapply for an EHCP as she desperately needs a specialist, it’s such a shame parents have to fight this hard for there babies, but I will keep fighting until she gets the support in place that she needs. 

Bless him, how does he cope now in school? 

Hiya, 

Unfortunately my son had a very similar rubbish time in nursery, turns out so did many of the other children who went to nursery in his class. 

We picked our nursery  based on them being told all the info and told me they can help. They were shocking. I spoke to the paed about it and she said he needs that time to discover himself and his own boundaries in the real world. I used all my holiday in a one and took him out 2 months before he was due to start school. 

You're right the system is wrong, there ar far to many hoops to jump through and I wonder if the people that comes up with all this stuff have ever had to deal with a small child who's really distressed? Maybe they think it's just "the terrible twos" or something?

Would you be able stay with her whilst she's at nursery?

If this is a specialist nursery for children with special needs and has other ASD children then why are there bright lights and and so many colours? Noise they probably can't do too much about, children are just noisy.

TheCatWoman Part of the issue is that this nursery has many children who are autistic and know how to deal with them however my daughter just cant cope there and nursery staff don't seem to be able to deal with her as she has very high needs. Anyone that knows her agrees that she will need a special school when she is of school age however in order to get her into a school that will meet her needs she needs an EHCP, however its proving really difficult to get them to agree to give her an EHCP. I have paid for private SLT for her and the lady is going to write the SLT report and send it to the paediatrician so hopefully she should be diagnosed really soon. If I pull her out of nursery now the EHCP panel are going to say that all children take time to adjust into nursery and that I haven't gave her enough of a chance there. However I'm really struggling to send her back into nursery knowing she's suffering there. There isn't much point of changing her nursery either as its nursery in general she cant cope with, there is too many children, too much noise, and too many bright lights and it overstimulates her.  I feel really angry and upset that I'm being made to put my child into a nursery where she's suffering just for them to give her a EHCP. I cant help but feel like the system is so wrong.  

I think some children just need more time, I think we often push children into these school type environments far earlier than they're ready for. Maybe take her out entirely for now and try again in a few months? Nuresuries are always going to be noisy and overwhelming places and for someone who's already struggling it may just be to much for her. If the place she's going to seem unable or unwilling to meet her needs then maybe a different one if thats possible or wait until she has an "official" diagnosis before trying to get her to go again?

My son struggled with nusery and he's NT, he was very clingy after going and screamed as soon as I left him and screamed as soon as he saw me when I went to collect him, it did get better, but it took quite a while, so don't beat yourself up about it.