Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all
I am the father of a 15 year old girl who recently received an ASD diagnosis, and would be greatful for any advise you can offer about the next steps we should take to support her.
She is a generally happy articulate girl and we have a very happy homelife. She is academically gifted and we have been lucky that she has been in the same school for the last 10 years and appears to be comfortable there. As she has grown, she exhibited many of the usual AS behaviours - sensitivity to clothes, selective choices of foods, acute sense of smell, dispraxia, occasional insomnia and night-time anxiety, and a noticable lack of development of social and interpersonal skills. I noticed these behaviours after realising that I probably meet similar criteria for ASD or Aspergers, though I have not sought a diagnosis for myself.
We had her tested after she suggested to us that she thought she might be neurodivergant. She received a diagnosis of ASD at Level 1, without intellectual or language impairment. I understand that she was given the ADOS-2, SSIS, SEL, Vineland Adaptive Behavior Scales, and the WISC-V tests. She scored 19 on the ADOS-2 and 143 or 99.8 percentile on the WISC-V test.
She certainly could benefit from some therapy or coaching to improve her social skills, and interpersonal communication, and reduce her social anxiety. Her sense of independence or executive funciton is slow to develop too, but we hope this should come in time. I've read a lot of literature on ASD including all of the work by Tony Atwood, Temple Grandin, Ashley Stanford, Luke Beardon, and Liane Holliday.
I would be greateful if anybody can offer any advice or share their experience of how best to support her from here. We aren't sure what kind of therapy might be best - much of what is available seems very focused on problems, and past epxerience, wheras we feel that she would benefit from more future-focused skills building. I read some encouraging work on Solution Focused Brief Therapy and am interested to hear if anybody has had a postitive or negative experience of this.
Can anybody also suggest some good books that would suit her age written by women or people who have a similar diagnosis? And finally, can you also reccommend any short introductary books that I could suggest to other family members to give them some context or insight.
Many thanks
As an older autistic woman, I would suggest she only see a therapist if it helps her understand neurotypical social and social rules, if not, she may find she's interested in learning psychology on her own, which is entirely based on Neurotypical (Freudian Neurotic) drives and motives. Some of the core fundamental principles don't apply to autistic-motivated being 'human'. While it's good for all of us to learn how Survival instincts can cause extra problems to negotiate, There's been just about a century of recognising that "Any Level" Autistic won't create internalised Defence Mechanisms, and this is how most non-autistics mature. So, We need to do this consciously. Now, there's no reason to not learn ethics and recognise how morals can differ in societies or how to set a standard of expectation and rules of being kind or even polite. But I would say most Autistics need to first understand Boundaries: how they're asserted, how to find them, how to reinforce them politely, but confidently.
However, if she wants a good tool-kit for being within society and just having a good bit of 'fluidness', ways to engage and also get along in an enjoyable way, there is nothing better than the performing arts. Theatre classes, acting classes, even ones where technique is taught without performance, can be incredibly useful keys, a wee bit of cosplay, and an alternative, enjoyable way to learn that truly, all the world really IS a stage.
At this age and in this time in history, she needs to focus on having fun. Everywhere I'm reading children are far more overwhelmed in general, and if one is going to attempt to grow up, they need to in due course when they internally feel ready. She'll be behind her peers for now, as there is no way to change that autistics mature slower. Nothing can speed this process up. Forcing a process, or Pushing a child before they're ready only traumatises them. And we already live in a world of traumatised humans.
If you can, help her simply indulge in her creative self. Allow her to spend too much time hyper-focused on exploring and learning.
As for sensitivities, do a bit of homework! The human biology is not meant for wearing plastic (polyesters), food sensitivities can mean potential allergies (our tongue is connected to our gut). We need to hydrate and not all water is hydrating (too much chlorine, or too much salt - the ocean). We need light and not all light works with the retina. And so on. If you help her use her ability to discern between flavours, textures, fabrics, perhaps she might turn a disdain into an art form.