teenage daughter with aspergers

People often say things when they are angry.  People on the spectrum could potentially be more prone to say what could sound like frightening things, due to fear, panic, feeling overwhelmed.  The fact that she didn't physically carry through with the threats shows it was just words.

She clearly doesn't realise the impact her words had, in the heat of the moment she wouldn't have been thinking about that.  All she would have wanted was for whatever was overwhelming her to stop.

She is taking the stress of school out on her family at home, which is very common, albeit it awful to deal with.  She is likely holding it all in at school and the stress of that is enormous.  She is probably feeling confused and angry at the argument she had with friends.

She may say that she dislikes family members, but I doubt that it's really true, it's her offloading stress at tiny triggers in the home.

The fact that she feels safe to unload her stress at home onto her family, is in a weird way a compliment.  It means that you are the people she trusts the most in the world.  This is why she feels betrayed at you calling the police.  People with autism often feel (without even realising it) that people know what they are thinking and she may have therefore assumed that you knew she didn't mean her threats and yet you still called the police.

She probably realises that you are walking on eggshells and this has fed what you call devious behaviour.  People on the spectrum are years behind emotionally and things that dawn on NTs are unlikely to dawn on someone on the spectrum, or at least they will do so late on and in a more childish way.  She is trying to control her world, a world that she finds stressful just to exist in.

Does she have a totally quiet space at home?  Does she feel that when she needs to, she can sit down calmly and talk to you about how she is feeling?  Is the TV too loud, are there a lot of visitors, is the phone always ringing?  All those types of things would build up in her as stress and at some point she would start letting it out, either in dribs and drabs as sarcastic or angry comments or meltdowns.

She needs to feel she can trust you again.  Talk to her calmly, tell her you know her life is stressful and that you understand, but she needs to recognise how her behaviour impacts others.  There might be some helpful books out there she can read.  She may have trouble identifying her own emotions and feelings (alexithymia) and this could cause her to act out in frustration.  She is scared and confused, you need to reach out to her in the right way.

People often say things when they are angry.  People on the spectrum could potentially be more prone to say what could sound like frightening things, due to fear, panic, feeling overwhelmed.  The fact that she didn't physically carry through with the threats shows it was just words.

She clearly doesn't realise the impact her words had, in the heat of the moment she wouldn't have been thinking about that.  All she would have wanted was for whatever was overwhelming her to stop.

She is taking the stress of school out on her family at home, which is very common, albeit it awful to deal with.  She is likely holding it all in at school and the stress of that is enormous.  She is probably feeling confused and angry at the argument she had with friends.

She may say that she dislikes family members, but I doubt that it's really true, it's her offloading stress at tiny triggers in the home.

The fact that she feels safe to unload her stress at home onto her family, is in a weird way a compliment.  It means that you are the people she trusts the most in the world.  This is why she feels betrayed at you calling the police.  People with autism often feel (without even realising it) that people know what they are thinking and she may have therefore assumed that you knew she didn't mean her threats and yet you still called the police.

She probably realises that you are walking on eggshells and this has fed what you call devious behaviour.  People on the spectrum are years behind emotionally and things that dawn on NTs are unlikely to dawn on someone on the spectrum, or at least they will do so late on and in a more childish way.  She is trying to control her world, a world that she finds stressful just to exist in.

Does she have a totally quiet space at home?  Does she feel that when she needs to, she can sit down calmly and talk to you about how she is feeling?  Is the TV too loud, are there a lot of visitors, is the phone always ringing?  All those types of things would build up in her as stress and at some point she would start letting it out, either in dribs and drabs as sarcastic or angry comments or meltdowns.

She needs to feel she can trust you again.  Talk to her calmly, tell her you know her life is stressful and that you understand, but she needs to recognise how her behaviour impacts others.  There might be some helpful books out there she can read.  She may have trouble identifying her own emotions and feelings (alexithymia) and this could cause her to act out in frustration.  She is scared and confused, you need to reach out to her in the right way.